念与春

“难道你不觉得很矛盾，甚至有点讽刺吗？”
“怎么说？”
“你说你很想念你的前男友，但是你现在却约炮，多P，这样还不矛盾和讽刺？”
“思念和思春是两码事啊。”
“如果他看见现在的你，他会怎么想？"
“无论我现在在做什么，他都不会和我复合。我的任何行为都不会让他回心转意。”
“那为何还要自己纠缠在过去的回忆里？”
“痛苦到了某一个程度就会变成高潮，就像被人干一样。”
“自圆其说。”
“只要相信，就是真理。”

一念一世界，各人各囚笼。你我他存在同一個世界，卻不是活在同一個世界。个人的生活不需他人的认同，观念不同对待人生的角度自然不一样。

光与阴

I. 清晨的光与阴
A和B在16岁时就认识了也搞在一起成了一对。
因为来自小地方，
虽然不能公开关系但却让青涩的爱情发酿成稳定的关系。

A帅气又有点叛逆;
B却一副微胖的小孩样;
所谓的天造之合
只是双方没有选择下的配对。

II. 朝阳的气息
18岁那年A和B一同来到市区读书，
A以一副badboy的姿态杀进市区的同志圈，
为春色无边的肉海再添波澜。
B一路随行，
成为那个帅哥的胖男友。

III. 日上三竿
A沾染了所有的负面情色，
他的人生从光明走向黑暗，
性生活却从黑暗走向光明，
欲火焚烧的炽热耀眼。

那团以感情为燃料的熊熊欲火
烧断了牵系着俩的爱情线，
坠落的是两端。

B曾是单纯但从不笨 ，
一切有机可循。
A虽是不忠更从不傻，
他以坦荡对应出轨，
把台面下的一切展示在桌上。

B从无奈接受爱人偷偷在外胡搞
到接受爱人第一次3p的倡议，
现在已学会了享受肉海的激情。

IV. 云下的阴影
淳朴的爱
扑向花火间
消失在闪烁的霓虹灯;
狂野的性
从黑暗走出
迷失在虚假的天空下。

V.岁月交替

人生不争的事实就是人总会老去，

岁月能洗尽铅华也能返璞归真。

A发现随着自己越近暮年人苍老;

B却是累计了沧桑变得迷人。

年轻肉体离开了A却接近了B，

A堕入妒忌的漩涡中，

最终沉入了那回响着埋怨的深坑里。

情关

昨夜西风凋碧树。独上高楼，望尽天涯路。
衣带渐宽终不悔，为伊消得人憔悴。
众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在，灯火阑珊处。
此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然。

忘年

老少配在这个圈子比比皆是，
看在外人眼里只有少的贪钱老的贪色，
真情与假意的比例到底是多少？
恐怕无从计算。

但是当一个人去到那个年龄，
看见那些自己也曾为之心动的躯体;
感染着那已在自己身上消逝的青春气息;
才发现原来年轻是怎么一回事！
奈何溜去的时光已不复返，
咋们只能自我安慰，
那人生并没留白，
只叹我懵懂渡过。

总有听闻这么一首忘年曲，
唱着少年总是呵护伴侣，
老年却宛如纨绔，
最终老年断然斩掉爱情投身那青春肉海。
我为少年不值，
少年却说一切只为爱;
我谴责老年，
难道走过这么长的岁月还不懂珍惜，
还会迷失？
老年笑答:
岁月是条单行路，
没有捷径，
远方的风景必须走到才看到，
当下的心情只能体会难以言明。

Ex Marks the Spot

Seems that it's common for couples that broke up to still live under the same roof. Some even sleep on the same bed. This will obviously be a problem, when one of them become attached. The new bf will undoubtedly find it difficult to accept the arrangement.

The new bf will not be able to understand why the ex still stays there even though he is being reassured that nothing is happening between them. The fact that his current bf has separated with his ex,  doesn't mean they no don't care for each other, but quite the contrary, he care for him like a family member. He is privy to his financial status, the traffic that he has to beat through daily, and how sharing the same roof still can reduce his burden while finding his own path again in singlehood. This I guess is the virtue of gay infidels.

三友

话说当年。。。
A和B分手是因为C的介入；
B在离开A后便和C走在一起；
C在当时其实已经和D交往多年；
D原来是A的其中一名炮友；
只是ABCD当时都不知道大家原来这么亲密。

时过境迁。。。
A现在单身；
B离开了C后远走他乡认识了E目前生活美满；
C和D搬入新家就住在A楼下；
D不时还会带着C去到A的家轰趴。
其实A和C都心知对方做了什么，
C因发现A和D搞在一起所以才介入AB；
A因发现C导致他和B分手所以和D更亲密；
D带着C上了A而A也当着C面前上了D。
现在A上过C而C也上过A两人的关系变好了，
A和C从情敌变炮友，
从炮友变朋友，
这就是同志爱？

男男间的爱、欲、恨
全缠绵於男友，朋友和炮友间。
这个情义结看似错综复杂
却实乃三位一体；
            春心萌动基情酿，
            激情荡漾忌讳闯，
            爱欲交集畸情葬。
            缘起缘灭缘终尽，
4个人的感情纠纷因谁而生因谁而灭，
终究难以探知孰是孰非，
皆因始作俑者可能根本不在其中。

of Jealous & Possesive Boyfriend

At 4am, Kelvin messaged me and asked if I would like to go over to his place in the morning. When I replied his message, it was already 10am. He said that he was with his mom, so the plan was called off. Just another normal hookup gone sour, or so I thought. At around 4pm, Kelvin message me again asking me where I am. I told him I was at home. He asked me if I was alone, which I replied yes, I am home alone. Then he asked me if I am with this particular guy that was on Grindr. I told him again that I'm all by myself. But he was relentless. He asked if I'm with a guy called Terry, and send me a picture suggesting that I might know him under a different name. At that point, I was pissed. I bombarded that, if he choose not to believe what I said, he is better off not asking. Sadly, I don't think he got that message as he blocked me, but not before him calling me ruining his relationship.

I have had my share of sexing other man's boyfriend. No, there was no guilt for me. I'm certainly not going to be held responsible for anybody's relationship going south. But to be blamed for fucking with someone I didn't fuck with, that's my first time. In the beginning I was angry, but the more I think about it, the more I pity both Terry and Kelvin (err, maybe not Kelvin, gays don't forgive so easily, boohoo). To have a boyfriend that is jealous and possessive to that extent is depressing. A prayer to Terry, wherever and whoever you are, if ever you are real. Can't really rule out that it's just a wild fantasy by someone who overdose on illegal substances. Oh no, I'm not being mean here, I'm speaking a fact.

Pandora's Box

"Pursuant to clause set forth in the Open Relationship Agreement, both parties are entitled to Unrestricted Entry into the Meat Market. Any disputes arising from, but not limited to, jealousy, broken heart and infidelity shall be dismissed without trial."

A major complain from people involved in open relationship revolve around the fact that, both person dislike finding out that the other is having sex with someone else. It seems that in many open relationship, updates on their sexual adventure will not be fully disclosed, in order to avoid jealousy, that was not suppose to be a non-issue. But often than not, the other person will somehow find out who is fooling around with who, fusing jealousy and induce further friction into the relationship. Once Pandora's Box is opened, there is no way of going back.

Coupling couples

Players play by their own rules, among the many rules that I know of is "avoid couple because there will definitely be drama involved, sooner or later". That is wisdom passed down by players who have had their share of couples drama. But that being said, players do not deny that there are many fun things and perks to explore with couples too. Personally, I have yet to encounter couple drama too divalisious to handle.

The drama that ensues from couple is usually caused by envy, mainly being one is not happy that the other get more attention. There are times when one of them realized he has found a better match in bed then his current bf during that particular moment, so when he immerse himself in this new found sexual outlet, the other is definitely not taking things lightly. Things are likely to get complicated when the one enjoying himself is the one that is initially against opening up the relationship to play together. The fact that he finally accepted the direction of the relationship, and starting to learn to enjoy himself, makes the other person uneasy and to a certain degree, jealous. Such is the drama that might arise if you choose to play with couples, so be warned!

But on the other hand, a couple who knows how to make each other happy in bed can certainly spice up the threesome when they tag team together to handle you. Let just say that, in those rare moments, you'll even consider having a three sided relationship, hoping that the sex can continue to be thus good every single time.

爱是趟轮回

他情窦初开，感受到爱的甜酸，一次的背叛却让他对爱情失去信心。他自我放纵在欲望间，游走在人群中，只享受肉体的快感，对爱情望而却却。他用自身的强悍征服了无数人，招来了汹涌的追求；尽管他内心深处依然渴望爱，然而他坚决拒绝爱。

万丈冰山虽然冷傲，但是总有一天会被缕缕的阳光融化。日复一日的累积让他身心疲累，就在他心房失守的一霎那，有人终于闯进了他的内心，再次颠倒了他的世界。久违的暖意让他失措，他害怕脆弱的心再次受伤，所以就摆出强势的姿态，设下一道道的难题，以为这样就掌控关系，殊不知冰山融化后虽然是柔情的水，能填满了他空虚的心灵；但是一拥而下却形成洪涝淹隔绝了两人的心。

强强对碰，瓦砾满地，回首时才发现自己再次站在爱情的悬崖边，随时掉入深渊。他也隐隐听见自己的哭泣，回荡在耳边的是对方的责备，控诉他没有珍惜爱情。他陷入纠缠。从发现爱到失去爱，从找回爱到遗失爱，他始终无法跳脱这趟轮回。

孰不知一段感情要修成正果，靠的是双方一同去维系，两人都必须对未来有共同的目标才能携手迈进。如果两人没有对未来生活有共识，那么他们注定要经历因为认知不同而引发的问题，最终还可能是以分手收场呢。这都是浅白的道理，但是又有多少对当局者能够让想法同步，一同抵抗感情世界的暗流，一同迎接归于平淡的生活。

在面对情感的争议时，必须有一个人能够放下身段认错，好把纠纷解决，否则漫漫情路肯定会崎岖难行。於戏！可乎哉？可乎哉？谈何容易。

萍聚萍散

两人的距离触手可及却咫尺天涯，
相处在沉默和无言中；
既然不再相爱，为何还在一起？
只因习惯了为小事唠叨；
只因习惯了关心；
只因习惯了生活里有另一个人的存在。

Married but Available

They got married in UK a few years back when he was studying there, but have been settling down here ever since. But being married doesn't mean they want to be exclusive to each other, instead they feel the need to be in a open relationship. They believe that sex and love is two different matters; have sex with all the men you want as long as we love each other.

Marriage certificate is just a piece of paper used to settle legal matters when one dies. It has no restrictive power to define how any relationship works. Though straight might feel the pressure to keep up with the norms of the society, the dynamics are just different for gay couple. It is silly to want the same things as straight couples when we are queer to begin with. Maybe it's just a matter of semantics.

A Pillar in Life

People get into relationship for different reasons, but the way I see it, no matter the facets of reasons, the essence is to find a pillar to support our life. Living in the modern society, a loner can hardly survive. Steeling oneself against the whole world take a lot of determination and strength, not something for a common man. Especially not when you have realize how life was with the presence of another. True, it takes a lot to maintain that pillar in our life, as it is prone to deterioration. All relationship needs effort from both side to maintain.

无声的爱在消逝

当爱情升华变成亲情时，很多时候遗失的却是双方的沟通。两个人都认为各自了解对方，一切仅在不言中，但是很多时候，自以为是的沉默却是造成破裂的原因。无私的付出最终变成埋怨，两个人的距离越走越远，最后回头时才发现两人已经不在同一个世界里。无声的爱如同不存在的爱，虽然话语可能是谎言，但是行动却可能让人误解，讲出心中的爱，体现你对他的关心，这才能让感情路走的更遥远，更平稳。

Control

In a relationship, there seems to always be one that is more controlling. Was it because of insecurity that one wants to monitor and restrict the others? Or were there other reasons?

Seems that the one that is controlled tolerate such behavior because that seems to be part and parcel of the relationship he is currently in, for no matter how much he tries to convince his partner otherwise, he seems to have the reputation of being unfaithful. But of course there are some truth in that, because once a player, always a player. Although it hurts a lot when one finds out that the one holding the leash is actually the one who was fooling around all this while. Irony maybe.

But then there are those who cherish their freedom too much, it is like a cause they championed which is sacred and cannot be tainted with even the slight suggestion of restriction. A typical Sagittarius one might call them. I was one of those, but now I realized those are the sad one. Sometimes we control because we care, when you deny the right to control, you deny yourself the chance to be cared for. Sometimes we don't always need to be the alpha male, take some time to enjoy the feeling of being cared for, it takes two to make a relationship works.

Beginning of the End

Recently, I have two friends in their early thirties that tells me, on two separate occasions, that their current failing relationship will be their last relationship ever. If this were to happen last year, I'll surely laugh at them for being cynical, but as I come to term with my own life, I realize that such an idea isn't as out of this world as I presume. Regardless of how determine those two are towards their no-more-relationship resolution, skeptical as I am, I find my conviction ever stronger, that if you truly believe that it is the one and only, the beginning of the end, then it is and shall remain to be so until...

Well, my trains of thoughts says, until the day we die, but that's something too distant for most people to understand. So, I guess I should be satisfy with, until the next moment of enlightenment comes along. That has been how I see life, that shit happens in life but there are always good things that come out of it, even though it hurts like hell.

Life always give you something as long as you live it, bad things come out of good fortune, bad luck can lead to good beginning, and if you think that you have the worst thing in life, well, you'll be surprise how life ingenious life can be for making your life miserable to a whole new level. And then there is strings of good luck, but we never appreciated those, we only realize it when good luck ends and bad fortune begins.

Closure

Closure in life is good. Sometimes we need closure to help get over something or someone. It might not really cover it up, but at least it is a step towards letting it go. But there is a sadness to endure if the closure comes in the aspect of relationship, whether it is lover, family or friends. But something has to be done, some people you have to let go in order for you to move on, eventhough there is nowhere to go. But I guess in this way, we are letting go for them to move on, at least if we believe it hard enough, this makes the act more noble.

I have always been called a cold person, me with my rarely smiling face and unapproachable character. I was content with this kind of relationship with the world and people around me. Then love struck and some bad karma come along, kicking and screaming, I was bruised and can no longer find my way back to solitude. Instead of a life cast by overhang shadows which I can sometimes hide in, life becomes a perceptual darkness instead. One might think that something huge might have block out the sunlight and everything will go back to usual, but when darkness lingers, you know it's here to stay. Closed and sealed shut.

愿你幸福

你会希望天长地久
我只在乎曾经拥有
不同的期许多惆怅
但愿你得到那幸福
亏欠的心欣然满足

归去来兮，田园将芜，胡不归！
既自以心为形役，奚惆怅而独悲！
悟已往之不谏，知来者之可追；
实迷途其未远，觉今是而昨非。
《归去来兮辞》

凭歌寄意... 续

众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处

原来那首想点给他的歌一直都在自己的ipod里

奈何是首日文歌

就算一切尽在不言中

心意还是无法传达出去

人生有时就是这么无奈

もう君以外愛せない 今ここに君と約束するよ 

但你却听不见

凭歌寄意

很多时候，歌，唱出了我们的心情
唱出了我们的悲伤与喜悦
我们凭歌寄意
让对方了解我们的心情
尤其在感情受到挫折时
歌，能让我们发泄我们当下的心情

曾几何时
我对歌有一种奢望
希望有人点一首歌给我
当中包含他对我的情感
但是这动人的旋律似乎和我不咬弦
永远藏在虚无缥缈中

但是现在却发现
歌，实在太多了
那一首贴切的歌不一定会在当下出现
但出现后昔日的情感可能不复回
漫无目标的搜索旅程中
时间渐渐淡化了忧伤
而那一首撼动人心的歌
也再无法激起心中的涟漪