Party and Play

Seems that it is a common practice among gays nowadays to party and play. Like everything else that you are not suppose to do, people do it not only for the fun of it but because of the thrill of doing something that you are not suppose to do. It is like the apple that was not meant to be eaten, it taste all the more delicious. Regardless of their background, education level and social status, people just do it.

Somehow gay tends to do it more often. A friend commented, "I'm gay and the society already does not accept me, so why not one more thing that it doesn't?" But is that a valid reason? Blaming of being gay, that's ridiculous. Should a person simply be summed up base on their sexual orientation? That's not fair. There are alot more to me then just being gay. We all know that, but if you yourself does not value yourself, who else would?

I do not deny that it was an enjoyable experience. But like everything else in the world, it is a pro and con equilibrium. You win some and you lose some. Simply because it is dangerous doesn't mean one cannot do it. A lot of things is dangerous. Smoking is dangerous. Drinking is dangerous. Speeding is dangerous. Even walking out to the street is dangerous. Even staying in door is dangerous too. So many things can happen that is dangerous. If it is meant to happen, no amount of prevention can stop it. Yet, consciously submitting yourself to possible complication are something that should be weighted out. One should always know the risk. I don't believe in right and wrong. I believe in deciding and accepting the outcome. If you have the nerve to do it, then you better have the guts to accept it. But that's on personal level, which I think is the important level. But then there are always those pesky people that disagrees with whatever we did. Just ignores them, the easiet thing to do.

Ei elämästä selviä hengissä

Somehow the older you are, the less confuse you became about gay relationship. If you look at all the posts in axcest, you'll realized that it is the young people that declares their undying love, curse their unfaithful lover, cries out for their lover-to-be or make a dirty scene out of the whole thing, mostly. Older chap tends to laugh at it like sitcoms, wondering how much a fool they would make of themselves. It might sounds cruel but really, when you have witness enough drama in the circle, you tend to become numb and consider any love tantrum childish. I wonder if it is sad or just taking in the reality, somehow as gay, the older you are, the less fantasy you have about love.

Love is merely a shadow of what it was. We tend to be satisfied with good companionship instead of a loving life partner. Maybe once in awhile we will dream of that perfect guy that may or may not we met before, but like a bubble it burst and we return to our daily hectic life that revolves around constant dieting, gym and facial treatment. Being old and not having a good body in this circle usually spells death for your sex life, unless you become a bottom and are willing to endure peculiar fetishes... Or unless you are able to tell yourself that sex no longer appeals to you, there are much more interesting things to do in life then shagging...

In this case, wisdom does comes in time...

Gay Homophobic

"Oh fuck!"
"Fuck."
"..."
"This is awkward. Did not expect to see you here."
"Nor do I. Didn't know you are gay."
"That's because I didn't tell anyone. But you! Don't tell me the breakoff made you gay!"
"It was part of the reason."
"Shit... what now."


The world has a wicked sense of humour indeed. Just when you thought that you have the circle more or less worked out, it throws you into another dizzy whirlpool again. A friend once said that all men are gay until proven straight. Just because someone has girlfriends or are married with children doesn't mean that they are not gay. I'm not sure how I felt on this particular subject because this basically means that all men are gay...

It is true that I am gay. It is true that I enjoy being gay. It is true that I like gay sex. It is true that I am not ashame of myself because I am gay, eventhough I am not totally out of the closet. Bottom line is, I am who I am. But when it comes to finding out that a close friend who was previously straight has became gay now, it doesn't seem to make me any happier. Somehow I became concerned that if being gay is the right choice for him. Knowing very well what this circle has to offer, I have the urge to stop him where he is. To scream at him and tell him that it is not good to be gay. That it is sinful. That it would be the source of his misery for the remainer of his life. Suddenly I became a gay homophobic! The oxymoron of my life.

I guess I can finally understand why there are homophobic in this world. Why some parents, friends or siblings cannot accept homosexual. Maybe it is this sudden revelation of identity that tip us off, making us unable to adjust accordingly, or at all in some case. I have this genuine pain to see a dear friend turn gay. Unexplainable even when I am gay myself. I guess it is one thing to be gay, but totally different thing to find someone you know who became gay. The shock are identical for both straight and gay.

I think slow exposure is the key of helping people around you to accept that you are gay. Unless you are flamboyantly gay, most gay seems to be quite straight in straight's eye. Maybe not so in old timer but that's experience related. Opening to someone who is totally unprepared can be a disaster indeed. Most of the coming out stories usually involve friends who suspect their orientation but are totally agreeable with the choice we made. It is a two part formula, missing one would render it chaotic. Coming out to a suspecting but non-accepting friend would result in gossip. Coming out to an accepting but non-suspecting friend would result in mental breakdown. It always seems to be the case. I guess starting from this year I would have to prep myself so that I assume all my male friend are possibly gay with the chance of coming out anytime, anywhere. No, not anywhere... The venue is important. There are some place or social gathering not meant for this kind of shock... No, I am not gonna tell you where, think about it, I think you'll know.

Points of Interest

Search and search I did, but find I did not the reason for getting into the Top 5 of the Point Charts in Axcest. Is there a hidden small print somewhere that states that by getting into the chart, we earn points that would allow us to redeem prizes or better yet a free date with the axcesticon?

Why do people get so obsess with this point thing? Does getting the first place guarantee prestige and well being? Or was it merely to fulfill our own vanity? The way I see it, it's more like a joke instead, that the same bunch of people are there all year long. It seems like we have nothing better to do but sit around clicking people for points.

Points are good. It can be use as an ice breaker to test people's willingness to communicate. A simple gesture, a simple click. But obviously some people are addicted to it and are turning it into a whole new ugly scenario instead.

I appreciate points, it makes logging in something to anticipate for. But when the same stranger pops up over and over again, it becomes annoying instead. So, please, refrain yourself o chart topper, I would much appreciate it.

No Regrets

I don't quite understand why some people, when they broke up, they would resort to ONS but then regret over it later. It is as if they are trying to immerse themselves in a sense of indulgence that could numb their pain from the failed relationship. But it never help. No satisfaction can ever be achieve by such people, not even the pleasure of orgasm. Wonder if they ever heard of exercising? Hitting the gym could help them sort things out while developing a toner body. Two birds with one stone, why not?

I'm a fervent believer that one should never ever regret over their decisions or actions. We could learn from our mistakes, but never regretting it. No point crying over spilled milk really. I guess some people are born into a certain characteristic, destined and influence by the distribution of celestial placement.