Ambiguousness

"Are we sex buddy?"
"We are more than that."
"Are we a couple?"
"We are less than that."
"What are we then?"
"We are us, you and me, two person enjoying each other's company."

Ambiguous relationship. Seems that alot of people hate those. But I believe in balance of the world, if there are alot of people hating something, there should be equally alot of people loving them.

What makes people like such a relationship? Exactly the indistinctness that makes it so interesting. Every date is like the first date. There is no talk of future, only the moment that matters. Is that not the essence of a good relationship? Commitments weights down a relationship. Maybe being a typical Sagittarius, I cherish my freedom above all else, but one can't blame the zodiac for everything. I guess it depends on what is it that you seek in a relationship. But then you realized that not many people knows what is it that they really want in a relationship. They merely want it because everyone else has it, failing to understand what other people is having. Hmm... so does people who like ambiguous relationship knows what they want or were they merely clueless of what they want? I guess it's like what the sunscreen song says, "don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't."

Axcesticon - Ass, Sex, Tits and Cons

Yea... I've just seen the Top 17... well well.... last year there was Top 20, but this year there was only 17. Lack of participation or the quality is just not up to standard this year? Hmm...

From the shortlisted, we see that the taste of this year's preliminary judges lean more towards slim cute type instead of muscle type. Or, again, was it because of lack of participation? Maybe it's all hidden behind the cloth but somehow I doubt that there is much meat to be seen. Except maybe for a sneak preview to the meat hanging down there. There are alot of packages dangling there half tempting our imagination... Now it really stirs my imagination in wondering if any cock is awaken during the whole photo shoot?

This year also score some interesting names that you don't come across often. At the top of the list would probably be Justay (typo or real name?). Anyway in which case, I found that there is a m-yspace under the same name belonging to a 48 year old woman staying in Texas... and she is a lesbian... talk about coincidence. Coming up second is Kerou which reminds me of Keroro. Wason for Watson. And last but not least, Raven, which isn't really that rare a name, but I would expect him to be a mmorpg character instead, but cute nonetheless.

So, the total profiles I see now is 31800. On March 2006, I recorded a total profile of 13170 during one of my whimsical journaling session, which we can see increased thrice fold thus far. Does the gay population in Malaysia really increase this dramatically? Or was it merely a foul play? Do we expect similar increment for this year? Well, we will find out soon enough.

Who will win this year? What kind of bitching gossip would surface? Tune in for the next, probably never, installation of Axcesticon Review. Witness the ass, sex, tits and cons that would certainly keep you on edge.... for awhile anyway...

Lesser of two evils

"When you are in a relationship as long as mine, you tend to lose interest of having sex with your partner and seek thrill outside."
"Does he knows?"
"I guess, but it was never discussed."
"Guess he must love you very much to tolerate this then."
"Ya."

Some might spit on this kind of person, those that seek sex outside of their relationship and wanting their partner to tolerate it. But you would be surprise on the numbers of couples that experience the same thing, merely for the continual of a relationship. It is not just gay relationship, similar things happens to straight relationship too. When was the last time you think your parents had sex? It’s just how a relationship grows into and how one choose to cope with it.

Why would people subject themselves to such torment? Could it be because they are tired of starting all over again in a relationship? If you are 18, you can afford to try again and again. But when you have tried so many times, failing so many times, reaching an age which the circle deems obsolete, you start to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It is often as good as it gets, and one need to know when to be satisfied with what one have and not dreaming for the impossible. For if you let it go, it might never come back again and that whatever follows might be worse then the previous one. End of the day, one become bitter. To quote a friend, you don’t marry the man you love, you learn to love the man you married.

Which is harder to come by, love or sex? We all knew the answer. But if one finds out that the person one love had sex with other people, one would without hesitation break out with the person out of spite and jealousy. You wonder why he could do such thing eventhough you know yourself that the sex was not as it was. Can you really blame him when the lust of each other’s body has dwindled? You can celibate, why can’t he? He can have sex with others, why can’t you? It’s an argument that goes nowhere.

Maybe if one is honest with their partner, it would solve the problem. No, it wouldn’t. Some things are not meant to be put on the table. You might know that you partner is having sex with someone else, but there is no comfort in knowing the truth. Ignorance is bliss. Why fool yourself? Because truth hurts more. If the truth spills out, can you afford to breakup the relationship and start all over again? Do you think you have another 5 years to cultivate what you have now? Are you sure that you would prefer not having anyone then to have an unfaithful someone eventhough it was just a fling? You sure you want to grow old alone? This said, do you still want to know the truth?

Elizabethtown

It’s been awhile since I last properly sit down in front of the TV to watch a whole movie. I guess the lifestyle I have now are taking a toll of its own share. Elizabethtown stars Orlando Bloom. Someone to drool over endlessly. But goodlooking aside, the movie itself gives me some insight on life. I came upon it by chance while channel surfing and website hopping on a bored Friday night.

The movie begins with the encounter of Kirsten Dunst with Orlando Bloom on a flight and it develops into a relationship. Seeing how it all fall into place, one just can’t help but wonder if similar thing would happen in real life. It’s so hollywood that one could only ridiculed oneself into believing it. But if you think about it and reduce the dimension to suit our daily life, could it not happen? Every encounter with a stranger could develop into something if the circumstances allows it and one take hold of the chance.

Sometimes I wonder why so many people who wanted to be in a relationship fails to find it. I think it’s because that they are trying too hard. When you try too hard, you develop a certain ideas about how your partner should act, and that is often what breaks the relationship. From what I have noticed, a lasting relationship usually begins with something much simpler. Both party actually does not want to be in a relationship with the other on that moment. Some might even hate their current partner then but learn to love him later. Those are the successful examples around me. I don’t define successful as happily ever after, but a relationship that continues to grow strong and even when ended leave no regrets.

Life is a bitch and that’s just how things goes, the more you want it the more you are not going to get it.

众里寻他千百度。蓦然回首，那人却在，灯火阑珊处。

We are just substitute people, that’s what Kirsten Dunst said in the movie. Substitute people are impossible to forget but hard to remember. They have less pressure. That’s sounds like an ideal relationship for me. To be substituting for someone else, but without the pressure for being that someone.

Substitute people don’t have happily ever after, their ending are unpredictable, but one thing for sure, their whole procession is filled with amazing experiences. Hmm... exactly motto in life.

Regrettably so

I think I discriminated a fellow gay today in a chatroom today, though in my defence I think it was a mild one, the silent treatment I would call it. Anyway, was not totally happy about it but somehow it just came easily when the situation arise.

Gay are superficial. If someone where good looking with a great body, he would probably not make new friends with someone below his par regardless of how sincere he said he was about friendship. Does he really need a new friend that is not good looking and are of no sexual appeal to him? Does he really need another friend in the first place? Just think of what you yourself would do in the same circumstances. If that person is deem below par by you, would you really want to get to know him better? Some people might argue that they have friends that are not as good looking as themselves, but in this case I am not talking about normal person. I am referring to the group of people that most of the society discriminate upon, which was magnified in this circle. Whether it be chub, feminine, mature. If you are within the distribution of normal to above par, would you really want to befriend someone from below par when he approach you? Unless there is a particular fetish, most would do just as I said. I am not saying that it is something pretty or to agree upon, it's just that things are how it is. It's not wrong, it's just that most of us can't accept it.

The way I see it, gay would probably be accepted by the world in the future. But discrimination within the circle will never cease to exist at all. If it does, well, gays wouldn't be gays.