Goodbye

I don't even know how or why it ends.
Suddenly it blossom into the prettiest thing in the world.
Suddenly it wither into nothingness.
It happened so fast, so fast.
I had the best birthday present and worst Christmas present because of you.
I guess it is the best conclusion for you took away what you gave me.

Infidelity

The thing about infidelity is that you are not suppose to do it, but in the event that it happened, it is your responsibility to ensure that your partner never find out about it, not even to suspect you of it. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship, but if you have cheated, then maintain innocent by lying like it's the truth. Which hurt most? You cheating or you honest about you cheating? Both hurts equally.

A Matter of Trust

"How could you betray me? I invited you! And what did you do afterwards? Both of you went behind my back to play without me. Why?"
"You were not free that day and we don't want you to feel jealous or left out, so we decided to keep mum."
"Please, regardless of whether I'm free or not, you guys would still do it without telling me."
"No, of course not. We will definitely tell you if you are free."
"That's not the point. The point is, he and me are together. Both of you are not suppose to plan this sort of things!"

Trust has always been a critical issue in any gay relationship. Infidelity is always around the corner. But how could it not be so when most gay relationship blossom from the seed of lust. When one meets the other through hookup, regardless if it's one to one or group, we should know very well that both has developed a pallette for assorted men. And yet we are surprised that they will not remain monogamous.

Granted, they are those who succeed in braving through the sea of raging sexual hormone, but those are rare. Even among these rare few, are those who can keep a secret very well.

As Mark Twain puts it, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Thus, if you don't mind inviting your friend to have sex with your boyfriend, then it should not matter if your friend had sex with your boyfriend without you, because likely you will have sex with your friend without your  boyfriend. Hypocrisy? Double standard? No, it's justification to right our actions and to rebuke  those who wronged us.

Pot & Kettle

Browsing through Grindr, one would surely notice the numbers of MB quadrupled especially around KL area. It is widely acknowledged that the pics of MBs are greatly edited. Many have complaint that the actual person is far from what the picture depicts. But if you think about it, that's advertising in general. So why are people surprised? Do people really expect to pay mere hundred for someone with the perfect face, a chiseled body, a rock hard tool and exemplary service that is to die for?

Someone I once met criticise that it is unethical of these MBs to market themselves in such pretense, and went on and on about never being that cheap as to get a call boy. I kept quiet and listen to his grumbling, but deep down, a tiny voice retorts sarcastically, "Hello, not like you look like your picture. That pic you showed me is at an angle and likely to be a decade old when you have seen better days. I'm sure you are not as young as you said you are. If you are, good lord, have you not heard of skin care, dude,  at least pop some vitamins. Or drink water if you can't afford vitamins. And you expect to hook up, oh gosh, why why why, why I never trust my own instinct. Damn, am I that desperate? Fuck, is he still yapping about his sexual experience? Oh, no, did he just touch me and left his hand on my arm. I should wiggle away. Why the fuck did I agree to meet at his place? Ok ok, let's just close my eyes and be done with this."

The pot calling the kettle black, and wished that I could knock myself senseless first, then back to my senses again, with both pot and kettle.

We never learn, do we?

秋意

明月夜，人团圆，
独守寒处孤枕眠。
纵思量，泪两行，
凄声回荡哭断肠。