未红先骄是一些本地娱乐界人士的毛病
有些人以为自己上过电视就是红星
势必要被捧在掌心
真的以为自己帅的不得了美的要不得
出街带墨镜深怕被别人认出
这种人我只能报以一句 - 你是谁？
不是鄙视他们
而是真的不知道他们是谁
翻开报纸娱乐版
很难看到关于本地的娱乐新闻
虽然本身对本地娱乐也缺乏兴趣
但也应该不是完全是我的错吧
在没有什么报道的情况之下
我又如何会认识他们呢？
那天敲了一个在某本地新秀节目的落选者
竟然自以为自己了得而满天开价
那种小钱也算了
婆娘既然胆敢在拍摄当天给我玩失踪
搞到需要临时换角
顾客不爽
害我埃骂我更不爽
不告诉你是谁介绍的是因为不要给你压力
在本地娱乐界浮沉已经很艰辛了
自己不争取机会就是自己的错
真的不知道时下的年轻人在想什么
至少我知道你不可能从我这里接到任何案子了
虽然我也不看好她有任何的未来可言
没听说过的名字并不表示可以漠视
山水有相逢
你永远不知道对方能否在你的演艺生涯有什么影响
From an age of innocence to a time of flagrant debauchery; from finding love to losing hope, this is the life journey of a Chinese gay guy born in KL, Malaysia where he tries to make sense of his homosexuality, his life and the world around him.
20 April 2008
06 April 2008
爱情的保存期限
记得我曾说过我的爱情是有保存期限的
你听了之后非常伤心
之后我们也再没有提起了
我相信你永远都不会忘记我所说过的这句话
只是把它埋在记忆深处
可能在夜阑人静的失眠夜里
你会想起这段话而默默流下眼泪吧
回想起来
这句话应该是从流星花园里学回来的吧
不知怎样地就成为了我爱情的观点
大概没有一个爱人会喜欢听到这句话
可能也有人会说这就是同志的悲哀
不相信爱情的永恒
可能有人会认为这只是一个对爱情不负责任的借口
我也不想多做狡辩
但我又不甘心去承认
有一种力不从心的随缘感
压迫在心房
有时我会想如果我不是同志的话
我会是个什么样的男人
我会否一样的不羁
是否因为尝尽了禁果
而造就了今天的我
当时你喜欢的我是否还是现在的我呢？
你听了之后非常伤心
之后我们也再没有提起了
我相信你永远都不会忘记我所说过的这句话
只是把它埋在记忆深处
可能在夜阑人静的失眠夜里
你会想起这段话而默默流下眼泪吧
回想起来
这句话应该是从流星花园里学回来的吧
不知怎样地就成为了我爱情的观点
大概没有一个爱人会喜欢听到这句话
可能也有人会说这就是同志的悲哀
不相信爱情的永恒
可能有人会认为这只是一个对爱情不负责任的借口
我也不想多做狡辩
但我又不甘心去承认
有一种力不从心的随缘感
压迫在心房
有时我会想如果我不是同志的话
我会是个什么样的男人
我会否一样的不羁
是否因为尝尽了禁果
而造就了今天的我
当时你喜欢的我是否还是现在的我呢？
22 March 2008
Encounter of A Pathetic Kind
Out of the blue, someone says hi to me on msn. He was not on my list and I have not the faintest recollection about his email address. He is probably someone that I've exchanged msn contacts and have not really chatted before and were swept out during one of my msn cleaning. Anyhow, he was not blocked, just deleted, so he is not someone that I consider psycho.
Practicing the usual chat etiquette, we traded stats. Standing at 175cm and weighing at 70kg, he is either beef up or over weight. I have my bets on the later as I would definitely remember a muscle guy. Following the chat protocol, I move on to requesting his picture. He in return ask for mine, which is well within the expected reaction according to the protocol. We agreed to trade and show our picture on the msn screen. A familiar picture suddenly pops out. The person in the picture was not someone I personally knows, instead he was a friend's friend. I got to know him because he is quite high profile by my standard. But the problem is, the person in the picture is well over 6 feet tall while the person that I was talking to is less then 5 feet 8. It strikes me then that someone is impersonating someone else. It is not the first time that I encounter such people, but really, if you were to pretend to be someone else, at least get your basic information right.
If one were to pretend to be someone else in real life, one are call a con artist. But if one were just doing it online, I think we could aptly call them a pathetic loser. It is very likely that this kind of people has very low self esteem, probably very much superficially based. They probably don't have much friends either, because although we live in a superficial world, the inner beauty still weights alot. Just because someone is over weight or not having the best looking feature doesn't mean that the person does not have any friends. Anybody who think that way are probably even more pathetic.
I believe that it is because of this low self esteem along with lack of friends that made them pretends to be someone else, so that they can be accepted, albeit a misinformed one. They can only wish against wish that their cover is not blown. I doubt that they are doing that to get laid, because they obviously cannot meet in person since they are not the person we want to get laid with.
What would my advice be for this kind of person? I would probably tell them to get a life, but then again, if getting a life is so easy for them, they wouldn't be impersonating someone on the internet. Instead, I think the best course of action would probably be getting in touch with your spiritual belief, either delve into dharma or submit yourself to God. I wouldn't suggest self-help motivation books or religious reading material, because they might misinterpret it. They need a guiding light to enlightenment.
The guy actually has a cam, which I was privileged to view. I was abit surprise that he turn his cam on, but then the scene that came to sight was a pair of boobs over a layered stomach. He got offline before he show me his face and I deleted him from my msn list. I guess after seeing the body made me even more determine to delete him from my list. I guess I'm guilty of being superficial myself.
Practicing the usual chat etiquette, we traded stats. Standing at 175cm and weighing at 70kg, he is either beef up or over weight. I have my bets on the later as I would definitely remember a muscle guy. Following the chat protocol, I move on to requesting his picture. He in return ask for mine, which is well within the expected reaction according to the protocol. We agreed to trade and show our picture on the msn screen. A familiar picture suddenly pops out. The person in the picture was not someone I personally knows, instead he was a friend's friend. I got to know him because he is quite high profile by my standard. But the problem is, the person in the picture is well over 6 feet tall while the person that I was talking to is less then 5 feet 8. It strikes me then that someone is impersonating someone else. It is not the first time that I encounter such people, but really, if you were to pretend to be someone else, at least get your basic information right.
If one were to pretend to be someone else in real life, one are call a con artist. But if one were just doing it online, I think we could aptly call them a pathetic loser. It is very likely that this kind of people has very low self esteem, probably very much superficially based. They probably don't have much friends either, because although we live in a superficial world, the inner beauty still weights alot. Just because someone is over weight or not having the best looking feature doesn't mean that the person does not have any friends. Anybody who think that way are probably even more pathetic.
I believe that it is because of this low self esteem along with lack of friends that made them pretends to be someone else, so that they can be accepted, albeit a misinformed one. They can only wish against wish that their cover is not blown. I doubt that they are doing that to get laid, because they obviously cannot meet in person since they are not the person we want to get laid with.
What would my advice be for this kind of person? I would probably tell them to get a life, but then again, if getting a life is so easy for them, they wouldn't be impersonating someone on the internet. Instead, I think the best course of action would probably be getting in touch with your spiritual belief, either delve into dharma or submit yourself to God. I wouldn't suggest self-help motivation books or religious reading material, because they might misinterpret it. They need a guiding light to enlightenment.
The guy actually has a cam, which I was privileged to view. I was abit surprise that he turn his cam on, but then the scene that came to sight was a pair of boobs over a layered stomach. He got offline before he show me his face and I deleted him from my msn list. I guess after seeing the body made me even more determine to delete him from my list. I guess I'm guilty of being superficial myself.
21 March 2008
Intricacy
Socializing in this circle is a very delicate maneuver. This circle being small as it is, even though with many people still in the closet and all, it's hard not to know someone who knew someone else you knew. Adrian, whom you met in the chatroom, might knew Brian, who was your ex, Calvin's good friend, Daniel's colleague, whom you are still in contact with which has a godbrother, Ethan, whom is one your of ons, Frank's sexbuddy. If you were to put an effort in linking everybody together, you'll be amazed as to how connected you are to the world. Or how messed up you are... depending on how you want to look it anyway.
Some of us prefer to maintain a certain level of discreetness. Maybe they are shy, maybe they are closeted, maybe they are ugly, maybe they are your siblings who knew you were openly gay, maybe they are all of the above, regardless, for people who has a reason to be discreet, socializing in the circle can be daunting. Chatters nowadays are usually incline to ignore people who does not show their face pic, even a nicely build 6 pack can only last you so long. You really does not have any reason whatsoever nowadays to not have a face pic in the world wide web in this technologically advance century. So it become a matter of choice whether you want to show your face to the circle. I believe that if one were to show their face pic openly in any gay channel, they are already half way out of the closet. At least all the gay knows.
The gay brotherhood, or some aptly called it the sisterhood, is a strong band of men who can usually bitch better then a bunch of hags. A true band of brothers would have discussed about not only their daily events, but also their sexual adventure. Some bands of brothers even knew first hand how good the other is in bed. Although it is a commonly held rule to not kiss and tell, many of us let our mouth flab. The brotherhood might be discussing the best method to bulk up, when a certain reference to a certain well built man might somehow lead to someone well endowed, and ultimately lead to ons encounters where the latest trophy was displayed. I believe that most of us has an IQ over 180 seeing that we can seemingly figure out complex correlation between each gay men.
Some of us prefer to maintain a certain level of discreetness. Maybe they are shy, maybe they are closeted, maybe they are ugly, maybe they are your siblings who knew you were openly gay, maybe they are all of the above, regardless, for people who has a reason to be discreet, socializing in the circle can be daunting. Chatters nowadays are usually incline to ignore people who does not show their face pic, even a nicely build 6 pack can only last you so long. You really does not have any reason whatsoever nowadays to not have a face pic in the world wide web in this technologically advance century. So it become a matter of choice whether you want to show your face to the circle. I believe that if one were to show their face pic openly in any gay channel, they are already half way out of the closet. At least all the gay knows.
The gay brotherhood, or some aptly called it the sisterhood, is a strong band of men who can usually bitch better then a bunch of hags. A true band of brothers would have discussed about not only their daily events, but also their sexual adventure. Some bands of brothers even knew first hand how good the other is in bed. Although it is a commonly held rule to not kiss and tell, many of us let our mouth flab. The brotherhood might be discussing the best method to bulk up, when a certain reference to a certain well built man might somehow lead to someone well endowed, and ultimately lead to ons encounters where the latest trophy was displayed. I believe that most of us has an IQ over 180 seeing that we can seemingly figure out complex correlation between each gay men.
05 March 2008
Hole
It was an out of body experience. I look at things in a third person perspective. The things that this person is familiar with, concepts that surfaced, objects that materialized and names that came along, it all seem familiar yet strange at the same time. I was amazed and disgusted for the things that this person lust for. It was such an alien concept to me but yet I understand how significant it was for the person involved.
And then things started to sink in and fall into place. I was distressed that this dissociation would continues forever, that I would never regain myself. There was panic I think, I tried to remember myself. I tried to remind myself of my worth. But alas, nothing seems to pull me back. Despair creeps in but then it was overwhelm by a sense of calm. The willingness to accept the consequences. A distorted enlightenment came to me, I understand the why of things. The sense of tranquility of losing yourself in the moment, of savoring the bodily lust, of forgetting the essence of humanity. If it were to continue forever, I seem not to mind the severe consequences there and then.
Sudden as it came, gone it was too without notice, I came back out. I regained myself. I was glad to come back but I was also eager to return. I was happy to regain myself but were not sorry to lose it in the beginning.
And then things started to sink in and fall into place. I was distressed that this dissociation would continues forever, that I would never regain myself. There was panic I think, I tried to remember myself. I tried to remind myself of my worth. But alas, nothing seems to pull me back. Despair creeps in but then it was overwhelm by a sense of calm. The willingness to accept the consequences. A distorted enlightenment came to me, I understand the why of things. The sense of tranquility of losing yourself in the moment, of savoring the bodily lust, of forgetting the essence of humanity. If it were to continue forever, I seem not to mind the severe consequences there and then.
Sudden as it came, gone it was too without notice, I came back out. I regained myself. I was glad to come back but I was also eager to return. I was happy to regain myself but were not sorry to lose it in the beginning.
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