本心

这边厢因一部电影且说释怀了
另一边却因一首歌而漠然流泪
一个人就算领悟了谎言的真谛
以文字和笑颜瞒骗了全世界
乃至于自欺欺人
但是
在那不设防的午夜里
眼角的泪
心房的痛
却恰恰推翻自己的坚强
我只能坚信
时间是最好的疗药
虽然也明了
它
也是最苦涩的。
这份痛
渗透入灵魂
无止尽

摆渡人

释怀了
原来我的到来只不过是为摆渡你
送你到彼岸
想想这未尝不是最好的解脱说辞
我不会说我失去的是我爱的人而你失去的是爱你的人
因为你从来没失去过我
我依然故我
我依然在这里等待你
等待或摆渡其实没有差别
不过是一厢情愿的说法
毕竟我要说服的人不是你
而是我自己
我来了
我累了
我好了
我走了
我了了

Our Song

You and me by You Me

You and me were always with each other
Before we knew the others was ever there
You and me we belong together
Just like a breath needs the air
I told you if you called I would come runnin'
Across the highs the lows and the in between
You and me we've got two minds that think as one
And our hearts march to the same beat
They say everything it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark,
Oh that's you me

You and me we're searching' for the same light
Desperate for a cure to this disease
Well some days are better than others,
But I fear no thing as long as you're with me
They say everything' it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark

And they say, everything it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you start to fall apart,
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark

Oh that's you and me
That's you and me

Everlasting Grief

I asked myself, if I have move in with you. If I have stopped you from meeting with your ex, would we still be together? Maybe I should have been more determine with you, fighting for your return to my side. Maybe I should just accept the cruel fact that I shall remain alone for the rest of my life. So much questions, yet it shall all remain unresolved.

I wanted to hate you so much for raising me up to heaven and making me fall into the abyssal hell that I am in now. But I can't for I love you still. I can only hate myself for loving you so much. I can only hate myself for allowing myself to love again. It took me a year to let go of my previous relationship. That gruesome one year where I cry myself to sleep every night. Now I have to live through that again.

Maybe it is karma. Maybe it is punishment long destined for me. I know not anything else but succumb to this everlasting grief and loneliness.

碎

心力绞碎后
得到的尽然是
谢谢你，你是我最好的朋友
心彻底碎了

Linger

I wish I could have hated you
But I know I still love you very much
I wish that this would just be another tantrum of yours,
But I fear that it is not.
That something so immensely profound come into my life
And went away just as fast as it comes,
Saddens me.
I fear that I no longer have anything left in me
To love, to look forward to, to cherish,
To call mine.
You have took the very last spark of joy in me,
The world has finally comes to an end before my life bids it farewell.

Goodbye

I don't even know how or why it ends.
Suddenly it blossom into the prettiest thing in the world.
Suddenly it wither into nothingness.
It happened so fast, so fast.
I had the best birthday present and worst Christmas present because of you.
I guess it is the best conclusion for you took away what you gave me.

Infidelity

The thing about infidelity is that you are not suppose to do it, but in the event that it happened, it is your responsibility to ensure that your partner never find out about it, not even to suspect you of it. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship, but if you have cheated, then maintain innocent by lying like it's the truth. Which hurt most? You cheating or you honest about you cheating? Both hurts equally.

A Matter of Trust

"How could you betray me? I invited you! And what did you do afterwards? Both of you went behind my back to play without me. Why?"
"You were not free that day and we don't want you to feel jealous or left out, so we decided to keep mum."
"Please, regardless of whether I'm free or not, you guys would still do it without telling me."
"No, of course not. We will definitely tell you if you are free."
"That's not the point. The point is, he and me are together. Both of you are not suppose to plan this sort of things!"

Trust has always been a critical issue in any gay relationship. Infidelity is always around the corner. But how could it not be so when most gay relationship blossom from the seed of lust. When one meets the other through hookup, regardless if it's one to one or group, we should know very well that both has developed a pallette for assorted men. And yet we are surprised that they will not remain monogamous.

Granted, they are those who succeed in braving through the sea of raging sexual hormone, but those are rare. Even among these rare few, are those who can keep a secret very well.

As Mark Twain puts it, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Thus, if you don't mind inviting your friend to have sex with your boyfriend, then it should not matter if your friend had sex with your boyfriend without you, because likely you will have sex with your friend without your  boyfriend. Hypocrisy? Double standard? No, it's justification to right our actions and to rebuke  those who wronged us.

Of loving, again.

The best way to get over a pass relationship is to be involve in a new relationship, but the difficult part is, can one open their heart to another when it was battered and incomplete. Only through time would the heart heals and the scar faded, only then can the person love again.

Lover's Guilt

Which is worse? The pain of being hurt by someone you love, or the pain in hurting someone you love?

Scar could heal, until one day it is gone, though you might recall still the fault he did to you, but your painful memory gone and replaced. But the pain lingers still in him, though he hurt you, but he pains still. Though he rejoice in you getting over him, but he harbours the guilt, of which he has did you wrong. Mayhap you will feel better knowing that he suffer, mayhap you laugh at him for reason you would care less. Be it so, that is no longer your concern. Good riddance.  

Another sorry, another sad story

Bao bei, you might not believe this, but you are in my mind every second of my waking hours. I am thinking of you, thinking of the moments we spent together, thinking of all the things I wanted to say to you, thinking about all the never ending sorry that I would like to tell you. I have not been able to function without you, yet I dare not ask for your forgiveness, nor dare I show any sign of sadness for fear of all the retorts that might hurt you further. Forgive me for my selfishness.