魯迅小雜感

人感到寂寞时，会创作；一感到干净时，即无创作，他已经一无所爱。

创作总根于爱。

杨朱无书。

创作虽说抒写自己的心，但总愿意有人看。

创作是有社会性的。

但有时只要有一个人看便满足：好友，爱人。

Throwback - Chat Room

I was added to a line chat group the other day of a particular gay sexual interest where there was bunch of cute guys on it. I was kicked out of the chat group for being inactive later but that was to be expected. During that few days where I was in the chat room, I felt like I was back to the time where chat rooms were the in thing, where people chat and try to hook up. That was also where I got most of my sexual encounters through. I guess it was a simpler time then, with plenty of libido running high in my body. Now that age caught up and testosterone dwindle, I look back at my pass knowing that I have no regret in the aspect of sexual satisfaction.

In guts I trust

Sometimes when bad things happens, it happens in a roll, as if someone has just put a curse on you. Ridiculous yet alarming series of unfortunate events unfold one after another, nearly putting one off balance. There is nothing we can do to change it, we can only endure the damage of the aftermath. Painful as it is but we must treat it as a sign; a sign where the universe gives us a heads-up about the bumpy life journey ahead. If we were to pay attention to the warnings laying blatantly before us, we could avoid further damage. We often do not appreciate precautions steps that helps evades troubles, we only complain of our lack of hindsight, thus it is crucial that we learn to trust our guts, that when hookups turns nasty, celibacy is probably the best way to appease the divines.

Words That Echos

Sometimes we can see cool profiles posted on social media. Sometimes people write the darndest thing, and you wonder what were they high on when typing it. There is always insight for us to reflect on, or ideas that echos our thoughts, but we just don't have the flair to pen it correctly. Although there are always the high probability of plagiarism, or mere piracy.

It is said that a picture paints a thousand words, but are we so shallow that we can be sum up in a thousand words? But of course, it is a meat market afterall on social media, dealing in satisfying the demand and supply of bodies, an articulate brain is just salad dressing. As one profile aptly says it, description is not necessary for the right one. Another profile writes, if the person is ugly, you call them a stalker BUT If the person is good looking, you call them a secret admirer.

Both rings true. I always say, the reason you don't fuck a guy, whether he is your brother, friend, colleague, relative or whatever, is because he is not good looking enough to stir your groin, there really is no moral values to support that claim.

Lapse

A month lapsed and I have not updated any post, the blog remains the same just as I remains the same, though one might wonder how much can mere 30 days change a person? Yet I know that the world can turn upside down in a split second. Life that one has known all his life could morph into something totally alien. Alien, not necessary terrible, just different. So much so that one would need extensive period of time to get use to it, but alas human is good at adapting to new surrounding. In time, we cope with what we are thrust into. Hoping that it remains the same from now on.

2012 SCKLM & Day After

Finishing 3 hours and 15 minutes for my half marathon wasn't the greatest of time, but seeing that I have not trained for it, nor have I work out for the pass couple of months, I think I did well. Especially when I can still manage to jay walk the day after.

Met up with a friend that I knew online, and he is actually my ex's ex. Talk about small world. Although my ex never did tell me much about this ex of his, not that I pry too much into his pass. Still, it might be weird for some but seeing that I know a few ex of my ex, so this is not exactly new to me. We didn't talk about the ex that we shared, instead he let me into some of his current relationship. I have my thoughts on it but that's for another post, one that might not destine to surface.

Meeting with people, indulging in singlehood, that all seem so alien to me now. Although I can still feel the vibe, but I find myself uninspired by it, I guess the burden of living weights heavily on me. What is left to be done now that life closes in on me. I guess I have to pick up all the jigsaw in my life and bid farewell to them one by one, as I seal them in the parcel meant for the life after.

Serendipity

The fun thing about knowing things that you shouldn't know about other people is intensively exciting, especially when it's gay stuff. I was checking out other men's profile on a certain website and came across a blog url, which I would usually check out. The writings were mature and the content interesting, as it is written by a gay living in KL. He often mention his friend's name in a slightly masqueraded style. All is well until I came across a piece that mentioned a name and that whatever that he was writing about seems to be about someone I knew. Upon further reading, I was able to confirm that he was talking about exactly the same guy. At that point, laughter burst out. Somehow the sense of voyeurism makes me laugh uncontrollably. The things you find out by reading other people's blog is simply amazing. All praise the miracle of serendipity. Lesson learned, refrain yourself from indulging your secrets to people who blog. Haha.

On the same website, in a totally different situation, someone I knew professionally previously messaged me. I knew that he was gay long ago and thus try to stay clear of him. I am not sure if he knows I'm gay, or whether he knew I knew he is gay, but that is irrelevant. It wasn't exactly surprising when he ask me if I want to have fun, it was the next question he asked that surprised me. Well, maybe not surprising since its becoming a rampant activity within the circle. But the fact that he have tried them gives me mixed feeling. What if he knew I have the same habit? Awkwardness to the max indeed.


This MV was posted on the blog, it was a nice MV but the singer did a terrible cover of the original song. I guess it's asking too much nowadays to have the best of both world.

Halloween 2009

Halloween 2009 was rather eventful in a way that it has nothing to do with Halloween. Due to some rather unhealthy activity the previous night, I hardly get enough quality sleep yet I woke up around 10am. Had my breakfast and went to gym at 11am. I was planning to clock at least an hour on the treadmill, but near to the 20 minutes mark, I was kind of out of breath and decided to call it. I was also planning to practice a new breathing routine while running, which I googled about on how to reduce the pain in the chest while running. I have tried it and find it convincing though I think I would need to do an hour run to conclusively decide if it would work for me. Interestingly enough, all you need to do is to breathe in through your nose and breath out through the mouth to reduce the chest pain. The site I've googled did not really tells me why, might need to do some extra googling on this I guess. I also spend some time doing weight resistance training afterward. It's my fervent wish, yet again, that I could somehow tone up my body. This is turning into a spiral of despair.

I then went shopping for a water heater in Midvalley. It came at a surprise to find that Harvey Norman does not carry water heater. Best Denki was pathetic where all the staff are just hogging near the plasma tv, not giving a damn about people buying less expensive electronics. And I want to add that a water heater in the shop cost a minimum RM500, which isn't really that small an amount. End up, I bought a basic unit in SS2 instead at less then RM350 later the night serendipitily.

There was a new place to eat in MV that I came across called The Spaghetti Farm, selling spagehetti of course. I gave it a try and find the food mediocre. At RM12 for a set meal, I know of other place in MV that serves better meal. The one thing about this place is that they serve their food in bowl, which gives me the impression that the food are half full. If I'm running the place, I would place my food in a smaller plate to give the illusion that I'm serving a huge portion. Even if the food is crappy, people would return when they consider the portion.

Went home to take a nap and went out again to dinner with a friend. I was chauffeur in my friend's mini. Mini are at the moment my dream car. I like the idea of a tall person driving a small car. Why not a kancil or kenari? Ok, I like the idea of a tall person driving a small but expensive car. So I'm vain, sue me. Mini is actually quite spacious inside, enough for two anyway.

We then watch Surrogates. Lousy movie with too many loop holes. All in all, it was a fun Saturday and happy Halloween.

10 things to do as a gay man before turning straight

1. Gay Porn ~ introductory to gay lifestyle that is over publisized and more then often not as interesting.

2. Oral Sex ~ Give or take, most man can do a better job than a woman. A tongue ring greatly increases the recipient's sensation.

3. Anal Sex ~ Give or take, done that and you can proudly call youself professionally gay. Always insist of safe sex although unprotected sex can heighten one's sensation to a different level.

4. Threesome ~ Sandwiched, Double Penetration and Rotisserie are the many forms to try. There are more than one pleasure spot on our body, and through simultaneous excitation, it can be a real thrill to find them working in synergy.

5. Orgy ~ If you have done threesome, there is really no reason why you shouldn't try an orgy. You can live out the Annabel Chong's Gang Bang first hand. Notable forms include Daisy Chain, Mantrain and Triple Penetration.

6. Sauna ~ It's not easy to organize or get invited to an orgy, but it sure is easy to get into a sauna for uninvited orgy. Sometimes you might even score bigger than you could ever thought possible in your whole life. Unwanted attention included.

7. Massage Center ~ Relaxation and sex at the same time. What better way to unwind after a hectic schedule. Most would feel much more comfortable than paying for a gigolo since we can always defend ourselves by saying that we merely came for a massage, not rampant sex.

8. Chem Sex ~ Sex which includes the usage of drugs such as poppers, E, K, viagra etc. Always do it on a day where you don't have to work the next day so that you don't doze off while driving. A prolong high plus bonus side effect if over indulged.

9. SM/Bondage ~ Not all are into hardcore SM but most are willing to try softcore SM which often includes roleplay. Trained professional required for hardcore SM.

10. Impregnating a woman ~ With all the above sexual adventures, why would a gay man ever turn straight unless he somehow manage to impregnate a woman? The child are innocent, we must be a resposible man

Who's Online

Being bored at work, I decided to look into details of this website. I went to the Axcesticon page and sum up the total sms votes, which is 4297 votes. Each vote cost RM0.50, which means a total of RM2148.50... which isn't all that much when you minus out all the fees paid to the sms provider. Nobody is really getting any richer.

It's 4 on a Tuesday afternoon and there is actually nearly 400 people log on to axcest. Over half of them of working age. Don't they need to work? Or have they mastered the skill of working-but-not-working as I did?

And then I saw a 14yo profile. Man, what the world is turning in to? Back then, coming out at the age of 18 is consider very extreme. Seniors back then, which is still seniors now, said that their average age of coming  out is 24yo with those who went overseas came out earlier than those who didn't. But now, I guess 18 is outdated regardless if you have ever step on a plane before. Does that mean that they are actually more people having sex with minors? Minors only doing with people their age? Nah, minors are both silly and adventurous. Plus they are bound to be people eager to try such tender meat. Somehow, I just can't bring myself to agreeing with such an act. I guess it's a matter of principal. You just have to let the kids grow out of it themselves naturally, not giving them a helping hand, or in this case mouth or penis...

Buddies

So like the rest of the people in axcest, I have buddies too. And like the rest of the people in axcest, I have no idea who the hell they are and what drives me to add them as my buddies. Among those little buddies I have, I actually only talked to 2 or 3. The rest was add-me-and-i-add-u kind of things. I'm sure those with 13170 friends knows very little of them. Maybe it is some sort of show-off thingy where you boast about who you know and who your friends were. Kinda vain, but yeah, so am I...

Let there be light!

Always wanted to blog about my secret life... no, not superman or batman kinda secret... gay life... True, it's no big deal nowadays. We have gay marriage happening in the States but that is all it is, something happening somewhere else... Really has nothing to do with me... Living in a conservative country, being gay is not something one would openly admit. The taboo is still strong, doubt that it will go away anytime soon... At least now, I have some place in the cyber world to release my frustration or joy for being gay...