Role & Responsibility

Top, versatile, bottom or T/V/B, is the quintessential greetings among gay men; crucial in helping us determine whether we want to be acquainted with another gay man. On one hand, it's vain and degrading because we sum up one person base on his preferences in bed, but on the other hand, it's a crucial indicator for relationship. Most gay man try to avoid falling in love with someone they can't have intercourse with as a love-without-sex is a one way ticket to infidelity.

Obviously, each role comes with its own pros and cons. When we enter the gay world as a virgin that's not going to last too long in this day and era, we might weight the benefits before designating an alphabet to ourselves. Although we can in the course of our life change from one role to another caused by factors such as age, drugs, paradigm shift, enlightenment etc, it should be a good rule of thumb for these virgins to assume the top role until the sacred backend has been intruded, because how could anybody declare themselves bottom or versatile when they have never had a cock up their ass?

But then again, just because one know what they are doing in bed, doesn't mean it make any sense either. For example, someone who proclaimed himself top confessed that versatile has the most fun because they enjoy both ends. But when inquire why would he not turn versatile since he envy them so much, all he says is that, it hurts. Though I tried to assure him that all he need is the right man with the right tool to ease him in, he refused. One can bar entry because of pain, one can limit entry to authorized personnel, but his notion just don't quite make sense for me.

There were other guys with peculiar guidelines when it comes to sex. Like, they can't accept versatile eventhough they themselves like it both way. It cannot come to their knowledge that their top has been topped. Their top must be older, not younger. Their top must be shorter, not taller (OK, this I understand as height difference does equate different dymanics). Things we expect from other people can sometimes be demanding to the extreme.