“This love was a torment, and he resented bitterly the subjugation in which it held him; he was a prisoner and he longed for freedom.
Sometimes he awoke in the morning and felt nothing; his soul leaped, for he thought he was free; he loved no longer; but in a little while, as he grew wide awake, the pain settled in his heart, and he knew that he was not cured yet.”
― W. Somerset Maugham, Of Human Bondage
From an age of innocence to a time of flagrant debauchery; from finding love to losing hope, this is the life journey of a Chinese gay guy born in KL, Malaysia where he tries to make sense of his homosexuality, his life and the world around him.
25 July 2014
24 July 2014
失落幻想
那一天他朋友问我，“你喜欢他吗？”
我微笑摇头说，“没有。”
但是这番话却让我想起了他熟睡的样子，回忆起他谈话中的淡淡忧愁和眼神中的孤寂。他那一句“我不喜欢现在的我，越是清醒，我越讨厌自己”不断的回荡在耳边。
不否认他是有吸引力的，但是更多的是他让我想起了你。看着他就像是看着你，你们之间有太多相似的地方，他慰藉了我对你的渴望。又或者这么说，我把我对你的思念变成一种假想，以为他和你的背影交错。但是我知道你俩是不同的，你俩根本没有相似的地方，一切只不过是我失落的幻想。
我微笑摇头说，“没有。”
但是这番话却让我想起了他熟睡的样子，回忆起他谈话中的淡淡忧愁和眼神中的孤寂。他那一句“我不喜欢现在的我，越是清醒，我越讨厌自己”不断的回荡在耳边。
不否认他是有吸引力的，但是更多的是他让我想起了你。看着他就像是看着你，你们之间有太多相似的地方，他慰藉了我对你的渴望。又或者这么说，我把我对你的思念变成一种假想，以为他和你的背影交错。但是我知道你俩是不同的，你俩根本没有相似的地方，一切只不过是我失落的幻想。
22 July 2014
What be thy name?
A friend that is still in the closet has the habit of separating his gay friends from his straight friends. He has at least two different phone numbers, one straight, one gay. This is all fine as long as he keeps track of which phone is which. He also has several names that he goes by, base on which name you know him by, you are classified either as straight, gay or fuck buddies. In addition, he also have separate Facebook accounts, one to get in touch with his straight friends, one to connect with his non-straight pals. Things seems to work well until he reaches the 6th degree of separation, where a straight friend who knows one of his gay friend came across his other fb account and asked him about it, causing him to hastily delete the account.
Personally I have never find the need for a different name. The way I see it is, if we are only meeting once for fun, my real name is as good as a fake one; but if we are meeting more than that, it would save me the trouble of a second self introduction. But hey, who am I to judge what rocks your boat? Just as I don't need others rocking mine. There is really no right or wrong in this matter.
Personally I have never find the need for a different name. The way I see it is, if we are only meeting once for fun, my real name is as good as a fake one; but if we are meeting more than that, it would save me the trouble of a second self introduction. But hey, who am I to judge what rocks your boat? Just as I don't need others rocking mine. There is really no right or wrong in this matter.
16 July 2014
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday, my dear, wherever you are. Though I think of you less now, yet you'll forever be in my thoughts. My one and only love. I miss you dearly.
06 July 2014
Words That Echos
Sometimes we can see cool profiles posted on social media. Sometimes people write the darndest thing, and you wonder what were they high on when typing it. There is always insight for us to reflect on, or ideas that echos our thoughts, but we just don't have the flair to pen it correctly. Although there are always the high probability of plagiarism, or mere piracy.
It is said that a picture paints a thousand words, but are we so shallow that we can be sum up in a thousand words? But of course, it is a meat market afterall on social media, dealing in satisfying the demand and supply of bodies, an articulate brain is just salad dressing. As one profile aptly says it, description is not necessary for the right one. Another profile writes, if the person is ugly, you call them a stalker BUT If the person is good looking, you call them a secret admirer.
Both rings true. I always say, the reason you don't fuck a guy, whether he is your brother, friend, colleague, relative or whatever, is because he is not good looking enough to stir your groin, there really is no moral values to support that claim.
It is said that a picture paints a thousand words, but are we so shallow that we can be sum up in a thousand words? But of course, it is a meat market afterall on social media, dealing in satisfying the demand and supply of bodies, an articulate brain is just salad dressing. As one profile aptly says it, description is not necessary for the right one. Another profile writes, if the person is ugly, you call them a stalker BUT If the person is good looking, you call them a secret admirer.
Both rings true. I always say, the reason you don't fuck a guy, whether he is your brother, friend, colleague, relative or whatever, is because he is not good looking enough to stir your groin, there really is no moral values to support that claim.
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