Sexy Marathoner

Not that I have any time at all to look at men. Well, actually there were lots of time, but I swear that all my concentration are on finishing the run. But then there were time, lots of them actually, where men overtook me. Men drench in sweat. Men in some rather tight or short outfit. Men with strong legs. Men with well defined butt protruding through the sweat soak shorts. I think I saw some rather cute guy running, but I definitely saw a lot of cute guys at the finishing line, all healthy men with great endurance and stamina. Obviously I'm not implying that I am one seeing that I'm limping now.

But the more astonishing men that I see are not good looking or fit men, but men in their senior years and men who seems to be overweight. That all these uncles in their fifties or sixties are running at a constant speed for the full marathon while the rest of the young men are walking, that's respect. Then there are men and women who seemingly are overweight but are also running at a better pace. Salute!

These men are definitely different from the men I saw in gym. There were only a handful of muscle men I see, but I see a lot more that is lean fit. I wonder where all they went to gym... obviously not the same one as I go to.

Haiku to Masturbation

Shivering to spasm of delight
The moon cast a shadow on him
Conduit that spurs wasted life

The Elusive Feline

I have noticed this elusive feline tattoo all over man. I couldn't figure out if it was a tiger or a panther as I never did get a chance to closely examine those man with the tattoo. At first I thought that I was looking at the same man because I figured that it's rather unlikely that people get the same tattoo. But when I see it all over the body, on the shoulder, on the back, on the abdomen, I suspect that this must be a famous tattoo of sort.

So on this boring weekend, I went googling for this elusive feline and found it on Karl Fredrik Ljungberg, a Swedish footballer for Seattle Sounders FC now (Arsenal and West Ham United before this ) and a CK underwear model, and being a rather typical gay man, that's all I really care about. It seems that this panther tattoo on his abdomen is just a replica of a bigger panther on his back.

And there is even a youtube ad of him shooting the CK ad, kicking balls in his whitey. Yummiliscious. Ah, the things you learn by paying attention to barely naked men.

Thy Body, Thy Temple

In gay social network website, there are a column which ask us to choose our body types. Slim, chub, average, toned, muscle. Being someone who is self-aware and very much insignificant, I opt for being mediocre in the sea of beautiful male bodies. No doubt I envy those who has a sculpt body but lazy as lazy goes, I have only myself to blame. I just can't motivate myself enough to go the distance needed.

Skimping through profile after profile, picture after picture of these well defined body, one can't stop fantasying what it would be to get into their pants. It proved to be even more exhilarating when one of this men prompted you for hookup. Alas, those are blue moons moments left till kingdom come. More likely are chance encounter in the gym where the said body undresses in the locker or was parading in his glory in a party that one might be invited to.

And then horror struck, and the reality of time and photoshop suddenly daunts you. Complexion can be edited, time leaves mark on the body and many of us don't upload our latest pictures to our profile. Defined is loosely defined. We are merely worshiping something of the bygones.

Truth

Sometimes lying is inevitable even when there is no reason to lie, when being truthful doesn’t hurt anybody, yet we chose to lie. It simply provided the easiest way out of a situation, which we believe to be irrelevant to the other person.

Know that a circle, no matter geometry, professional or gay, has a well define boundary. You are bound to bump into the truth when someone lied to you in a circle, whether it’s intentional or not. There were times when I glimpse truth just by listening to what was said by others. Those moments of truth allows me to pierce through the veil and I often proud myself of being such perceptive until it hit me today that what goes around comes around. When you can see truth through another person, so can others pierce through your pretension through the same person.

Such person exist everywhere, we all have the potential of becoming one. It was never intentional but serendipity, well, they work charm. Like it or not, truths, like lies, are sometimes manipulated for personal gain.

Guide to Lying

To lie is human, not getting caught is divine. You are a liar if you were caught lying, you'll be a saint if you lie without being caught. The perfect boyfriend can be the perfect boyfriend or he could very well be someone who were yet to be caught lying. If you want to lie, make sure you know how to lie properly. The least that you could do is to cover your tracks. Telephone records, sms, browsing history, please learn to clear them. Tools>Option>History>Clear. It's freaking simple.

Don't shit where you eat. If you want to sleep with someone else, don't sleep on the same bed your boyfriend is going to sleep, no matter how impossible it is for him to find out. You never know when the next guy might just decided to cling to you instead, then you'll wish you never brought him home. Life has a way to turn it all against you.

Lying is a spiral of despair. Once you lied, you have to make up more lies to cover it, which is where people found out that you lied. Instead, choose not to tell the whole truth instead. Did you sleep with you him? I wouldn't dream of sleeping with him! See the catch here, you didn't dream to sleep with him as you have already slept with him. Technicality.

Lying is a fine art. It is easy to learn but hard to master.

Vogue

Just joined a blogring and I thought by doing this, I would do some publicity stunt for this blog of mine. I was considering penning down my daily ramblings, but then I realize I have tried that before and it doesn't suit my style. The whole point of this blog was not to share my life, but just my point of view in this gay life of mine. I'm not out of the closet, nor am I likely to be out anytime soon. It's kind of like a dilemma but I'm sure alot of people out there are having the same issue.

Not many people know of the existence of this blog, at the moment, I only knew of two person who actually have read this blog. I have a mind to share this blog with all the gay friends of mine but then I realize that many of the stuff I wrote here was not really meant for them. It would probably shock them, me being a seclusive person, with my opinions and all. Thus the name of the blog, a life within another life. It's not only hidden from my straight circle, it is also hidden from my gay circle. So, really, you who know of this blog and know of me in person, count yourself lucky for you are in a league of prestige. Haha.

Most of the entries are posted in Axcest too, which has some feedbacks and following. It is a great feeling when you know that what you have written has an impact on someone. That somebody's life was changed, no matter how small it might be. The resonance of acceptance are a delight to the author.

There are a few readers who commented that my style was similar to Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. I don't deny that there are some influence from the show as I quite like the show myself. Somehow the style of writing comes naturally to me. Though it is much more different for my writing in chinese instead. I guess that being true to the name of the blog, I seem to be portraiting a different aspect of myself as I move from one medium to another. I think I have multiple personalities disorder.

I wonder what would happen when all this personalities of mine converge together. All hell would probably break lose. But I am seeing an enlightenment at the end of the tunnel, yet I fear that I dare not trek this path. I just can't get over the hurdle that is myself.

My Playlist of PLU Songs

Promiscuous ~ Nelly Furtado
The music for fishing in progress.

Unfaithful ~ Rihana
Anthem for the promiscuously attached man.

The Best ~ Tina Turner
The ONS song, the lyric speaks for itself.

Love At First Sight ~ Kylie Minogue
Somehow this happen more often with gay men. They will like you the first day, call you dear the second and expect to move in on the third.

Don’t Turn Off The Light ~ Enrique Iglesias
Not all of us are expert or can read mind. You must speak your mind during sex, not complaining to your friends how lousy the other person is.

The Flame ~ Cheap Trick
Denounce thy undying love, denounce!

You Don’t Bring Me Flower Anymore ~ Barbara Streisand & Neil Diamond
For the stagnant relationship that drift apart.

My Happy Ending ~ Avril Lavigne
Breakup song for the perfect gay man that just has a tendency to fuck around.

Love Song For No One ~ John Mayer
The desperate, but surely dramatic, cried out of a single gay who just broke up two weeks ago.

Perhaps Love ~ John Denver & Placido Domingo
My personal favorite for no apparent reason.

Axcesticon - Ass, Sex, Tits and Cons

Yea... I've just seen the Top 17... well well.... last year there was Top 20, but this year there was only 17. Lack of participation or the quality is just not up to standard this year? Hmm...

From the shortlisted, we see that the taste of this year's preliminary judges lean more towards slim cute type instead of muscle type. Or, again, was it because of lack of participation? Maybe it's all hidden behind the cloth but somehow I doubt that there is much meat to be seen. Except maybe for a sneak preview to the meat hanging down there. There are alot of packages dangling there half tempting our imagination... Now it really stirs my imagination in wondering if any cock is awaken during the whole photo shoot?

This year also score some interesting names that you don't come across often. At the top of the list would probably be Justay (typo or real name?). Anyway in which case, I found that there is a m-yspace under the same name belonging to a 48 year old woman staying in Texas... and she is a lesbian... talk about coincidence. Coming up second is Kerou which reminds me of Keroro. Wason for Watson. And last but not least, Raven, which isn't really that rare a name, but I would expect him to be a mmorpg character instead, but cute nonetheless.

So, the total profiles I see now is 31800. On March 2006, I recorded a total profile of 13170 during one of my whimsical journaling session, which we can see increased thrice fold thus far. Does the gay population in Malaysia really increase this dramatically? Or was it merely a foul play? Do we expect similar increment for this year? Well, we will find out soon enough.

Who will win this year? What kind of bitching gossip would surface? Tune in for the next, probably never, installation of Axcesticon Review. Witness the ass, sex, tits and cons that would certainly keep you on edge.... for awhile anyway...

Beauty Under

Woman are mostly conscious about the lingarie they wear, see how big Victoria's Secret become. Woman like it, straight men like it even more. Gay men likes them too, but purely from the aesthetic point of view. Why don't men has such a line in the fashion industry, something big like Victoria's Secrets... It would be nice to see a show where hunky male model walks out in skimpy sexy under garment...

Commercial mens underwear can be so boring sometimes. Even those in porn looks boring. Although a toned handsome man in a pair of simple white brief looks the most sexy... but still, I wish there were more varieties to look at and choose from. To see everyone wearing the same pair of CK boxer brief is starting to get on my-nerves. Somehow, gay men seems to be in two extreme group of CK brief or pasar malam brief.

Underwears usually comes in a pack of 3, except for boxers. Sometimes it is hard to decide on the brand and style. Should I go for those with the name printed on the band so that it shows when I'm wearing a low back jean? Or should I go for mini that squeeze my butt and crotch onto a bubbly shape? Do I go for g-strings to eliminate the unsightly line when I don my skin tight leather pants? Should I really wear jockstrap when I'm going to gym for the sake of being truly sporty? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Not that I have a collector's fetish towards underwear, but it is nice to have assorted type of underwear to cater for different occasion. A pair of sexy undie really does spice up the sex life. But having 3 pairs of g-string is simply too much to ask for. I really only need one which I probably would only wear once in a very long time. So at times, I find my-self having the evil thought of switching a pair of g-string with that box of 3 piece boring brief that I am buying. But conscience get the best out of me. Imagine buying a pack of g-string just to find that a pair has been switched by some perverted guy. But then again, it's your own fault for not checking...

I wonder if there is a shop that allows you to pick your own undie, that way, I really only to buy once for my year long sexual fantasy role playing... Or maybe I should underwear-pool. You know, three guys buying three pack of different under wear and exchange it among themselves... It sounds oh so weird...

Annonymous

I can't quite understand what is it with alias. Why do people like to use alias so much? Well, actually I could  partially understand it, for the case of ONS anyhow, that we want to classified ourselves to sex and none sex names are justifiable. We do not want the person that we are only going to meet once to know our real name. But then again, if we are only going to meet once, what's the big deal of knowing your real name? Although the chance of bumping into him is not as remote as we think, still it all seem so pointless. What if you bump into the guy after years and he calls you by your fake name which you have forgotten, wouldn't that be awkward? Or do we just pretends that we don't know them.

But what about in the case of friends? Do we really need a gay name and a straight name to differentiate our life? How would you react to a friend that you knew for a month or two, who out of the blue during dinner said, "by the way, my name's not Alex but Zachary." What would be the first thing that crosses your mind? For me, it would be ~ change the display name in my phone. Personally, I don't give a damn but not all are as forgiving as me.  Many would feel cheated, because name in itself is both a minute and enormous factor in a relationship. We know the person by his name first, his character later. By faking your name, it distrupt the whole relationship process, making it hard to adjust accordingly.

A friend's ex has two names. Until now, he is not sure which is his real name if either one is really his name. Although they did broke up just in a couple of months and are not seeing each other, but what if they were able to continue on, how should the ice be broke? Wouldn't it be weird that the name that you have been moaning of every time he makes you high is not his name? Wouldn't it be weirder still if the man that you are making love with are calling you by a different name and you can't correct him because he didn't know the better?

Sexyback, Brokeback, Bareback

I got my hand on a copy of last month's New Icon, yeah outdated indeed, but better late then never. Anyway, went flipping through the magazine and basically dive right into Hottest Hunks in Malaysia 2006/07. According to a friend of mine, this years candidates seems to be in better shape than last year, which I have missed, thus no comment. Anyhow, true to their name, they are mostly hunks indeed. Simply look at those muscles and you know how discipline they are in maintaining their body. Which makes me wonder, if they are all discipline, does that mean they have a taste for the master/slave kink? The image of those hunks as slaves certainly stir somethings up...

Looking at their bios, most of them seems to be gym instructors, brawn over brains? Just kidding... Although I was quite surprise to see chef listed as one of the occupation. I really cannot imagine those muscle hunk baking or cooking in a kitchen wearing sparkling white uniform. I have yet to see porn in this particular scenario.

And then there was Q3, which goes something like "who's you idol?". Looking at their answers, one can really see a clear difference of age. Most of them cited celebrities, namely Andy Lau... In some weird and twisted way, I guess I should have expected such answers from muscle hunks. The typical superficial cliche association of brawn over brains kicking in again. I was really hoping for answers that requires me to google for further info, but I guess that would be asking too much.

Finally there was Q4, "describe yourself in 3 words". Some candidates gave some interesting answers indeed and then you get to the last page... Why is the answer more then 3 words? Which part of the question they don't understand? Hmm... Cliche brawn over brains flashing over my mind again. Maybe they replied in english and was translated into chinese, that's why there is so many words. Wait, one of the candidates have english chinese answer, why not the rest? Lousy copywriter...

Of course, the most interesting part would be guessing who is gay. We all know Axcesticon. There was Mr LQ candidates. That guy I know from my gym and he is always hanging around the group of muscle mary. The guy which has "I am gay" written all over his face, tothe well-honed gaydar anyway. The guy that looks yummy and I certainly hope that he is gay.

I really wonder what would those girls, in this case anatomically female, thinks when they realized that the hunk that they voted for is gay. Of course, we all know that goodlooking hunky guys that appears on media are usually gay, if not bi, but I don't think that's common knowledge with girls. I think the girls and gays would have the same feeling when they realized that a handsome cute guy's sexual orientation are not what they hope to be, which would be ~ what a pity.

If they were to use these 3 words to describe themselves, I think it would really clear everything up for everyone. Sexyback. Brokeback. Bareback.

Vanity, so be it

So I decided to put up a picture, one that shows nothing but crotch. It seems that gay chatters nowadays like to show bare chest or underwear pics. It's call being discreet it seems, so I'm just tagging along. Mayhap it will attract some attention, probably mostly the wrong kind. But if someone wanted to have sex with you base on your crotch pic and disregard your look, I guess ons would become much more attainable....

Gym Fashion

My observations shows that most gymmer wears either nike or adidas shoes. The was some New Balance and Puma and Reebok, but those was not as plenty as the other two...

Gymmers with great bodies tend to prefer wearing singlet or sleeves shirt. Obviously to show off their arms. Although some skinny one also wear sleeveless, but those are not as noticable for obvious distraction  And they usually have a balance skin tone too.

The choice of underwear varies, but if they are wearing CK, more then not that it would be the white boxer with red waistband...

And there were many good looking one with tone body which the rest of us drool over just by looking. But when they started talking, you wonder where all the real good looking MAN has gone too. Sisters, I want brothers!

Ohaiyo

Going through many of the profiles, I found that many in axcest here speaks japanese. Hopefully they are not like me, which learn a few words from the japanese series, and pretend to know japanese...

Or was it the new requisition nowadays for gay to be, that we must be well verse in additional languages. Maybe I should go pick up japanese. It might prove useful and I always wanted to travel to Japan...

Crotch Exposed Extraordinaire

So it was 3 days since I put up a crotch pic and I actually have Fun points and emails complimenting my crotch and invitation to sex. It seems that you can actually have sex by just showing other people your crotch. Of course there is still no guarentee as to the standard of the invitation, most of them don't have any pictures to intice me further. So, would I go for ONS if a cute guy happens to ask me base just on the crotch pic, well... if it ever happens, I'll surely post the details here...

3G - Gay, Gym & G-string

All gay goes to gym, sooner or later. Whether they are life time member or cruiser is besides the point. Gay men go to gym to beef up for the alluring 6 packs and biceps. Although some of us also goes there to look at the 6 packs and biceps too. It will definitely be a way to motivate us to lift more weights, run more miles and swim more leagues, in hope that one day the their role will be pass on to us. But do people at gym hookup with each other to have sex? Hmm... maybe the hunks do, I ain't one, so I wouldn't know. But I have heard rumors of the orgy at FF... wonder if it is true...

All gay wear G-strings, sooner or later they will find one pair to try on. Liking it or not is besides the point. It's like boxer, jockstrap or bikini wear, you have to try it to know if you like it. Personally, I enjoy looking at hunky men in undie, regardless of its genre.

Gay go to gym wearing G-string. Now that's a sight. How terribly uncomfortable it is. Until now, I have yet to glimpse any man in the looker room changing from or into a g-string, not that I really go lookup for it. :ohh:

Smooth Bodies

I notice that many of the gym fit guys are have really smooth bodies. No hair on them, not even the armpit. I am sure they have shaven it off. Not that I don't enjoy looking at the smooth body, just that it seems kinda weird. I wonder if they shave their pubic hair too... Hmm...