28 December 2016

Our Song

You and me by You Me

You and me were always with each other
Before we knew the others was ever there
You and me we belong together
Just like a breath needs the air
I told you if you called I would come runnin'
Across the highs the lows and the in between
You and me we've got two minds that think as one
And our hearts march to the same beat
They say everything it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark,
Oh that's you me

You and me we're searching' for the same light
Desperate for a cure to this disease
Well some days are better than others,
But I fear no thing as long as you're with me
They say everything' it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark

And they say, everything it happens for a reason
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Someone who will be there for you when you start to fall apart,
Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark

Oh that's you and me
That's you and me

27 December 2016

Everlasting Grief

I asked myself, if I have move in with you. If I have stopped you from meeting with your ex, would we still be together? Maybe I should have been more determine with you, fighting for your return to my side. Maybe I should just accept the cruel fact that I shall remain alone for the rest of my life. So much questions, yet it shall all remain unresolved.

I wanted to hate you so much for raising me up to heaven and making me fall into the abyssal hell that I am in now. But I can't for I love you still. I can only hate myself for loving you so much. I can only hate myself for allowing myself to love again. It took me a year to let go of my previous relationship. That gruesome one year where I cry myself to sleep every night. Now I have to live through that again.

Maybe it is karma. Maybe it is punishment long destined for me. I know not anything else but succumb to this everlasting grief and loneliness.

26 December 2016



I wish I could have hated you
But I know I still love you very much
I wish that this would just be another tantrum of yours,
But I fear that it is not.
That something so immensely profound come into my life
And went away just as fast as it comes,
Saddens me.
I fear that I no longer have anything left in me
To love, to look forward to, to cherish,
To call mine.
You have took the very last spark of joy in me,
The world has finally comes to an end before my life bids it farewell.

25 December 2016


I don't even know how or why it ends.
Suddenly it blossom into the prettiest thing in the world.
Suddenly it wither into nothingness.
It happened so fast, so fast.
I had the best birthday present and worst Christmas present because of you.
I guess it is the best conclusion for you took away what you gave me.

20 December 2016


The thing about infidelity is that you are not suppose to do it, but in the event that it happened, it is your responsibility to ensure that your partner never find out about it, not even to suspect you of it. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship, but if you have cheated, then maintain innocent by lying or whatever way possible. Which hurt most? You cheating or you honest about you cheating? Both hurts equally.

03 October 2016

A Matter of Trust

"How could you betray me? I invited you! And what did you do afterwards? Both of you went behind my back to play without me. Why?"
"You were not free that day and we don't want you to feel jealous or left out, so we decided to keep mum."
"Please, regardless of whether I'm free or not, you guys would still do it without telling me."
"No, of course not. We will definitely tell you if you are free."
"That's not the point. The point is, he and me are together. Both of you are not suppose to plan this sort of things!"

Trust has always been a critical issue in any gay relationship. Infidelity is always around the corner. But how could it not be so when most gay relationship blossom from the seed of lust. When one meets the other through hookup, regardless if it's one to one or group, we should know very well that both has developed a pallette for assorted men. And yet we are surprised that they will not remain monogamous.

Granted, they are those who succeed in braving through the sea of raging sexual hormone, but those are rare. Even among these rare few, are those who can keep a secret very well.

As Mark Twain puts it, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Thus, if you don't mind inviting your friend to have sex with your boyfriend, then it should not matter if your friend had sex with your boyfriend without you, because likely you will have sex with your friend without your  boyfriend. Hypocrisy? Double standard? No, it's justification to right our actions and to rebuke  those who wronged us.

28 September 2016

Pot & Kettle

Browsing through Grindr, one would surely notice the numbers of MB quadrupled especially around KL area. It is widely acknowledged that the pics of MBs are greatly edited. Many have complaint that the actual person is far from what the picture depicts. But if you think about it, that's advertising in general. So why are people surprised? Do people really expect to pay mere hundred for someone with the perfect face, a chiseled body, a rock hard tool and exemplary service that is to die for?

Someone I once met criticise that it is unethical of these MBs to market themselves in such pretense, and went on and on about never being that cheap as to get a call boy. I kept quiet and listen to his grumbling, but deep down, a tiny voice retorts sarcastically, "Hello, not like you look like your picture. That pic you showed me is at an angle and likely to be a decade old when you have seen better days. I'm sure you are not as young as you said you are. If you are, good lord, have you not heard of skin care, dude,  at least pop some vitamins. Or drink water if you can't afford vitamins. And you expect to hook up, oh gosh, why why why, why I never trust my own instinct. Damn, am I that desperate? Fuck, is he still yapping about his sexual experience? Oh, no, did he just touch me and left his hand on my arm. I should wiggle away. Why the fuck did I agree to meet at his place? Ok ok, let's just close my eyes and be done with this."

The pot calling the kettle black, and wished that I could knock myself senseless first, then back to my senses again, with both pot and kettle.

We never learn, do we?

16 September 2016



24 August 2016



20 August 2016



24 July 2016

Of loving, again.

The best way to get over a pass relationship is to be involve in a new relationship, but the difficult part is, can one open their heart to another when it was battered and incomplete. Only through time would the heart heals and the scar faded, only then can the person love again.

09 July 2016






05 April 2016