Living in Oxymoronia

Among the many things that people said about me was that I don't look gay, which at first glance sounds like a good thing, but it's actually not. Being a gay man that looks straight means that most gay men wouldn't have notice you unless you are exceptionally good looking or has a body to die for, which I have neither. With little to no glimpse and glances, that roughly translates to zero encounters. No stalkers, no admirers, no nothing. Whether I want the attention or not is besides the point, the point is that you wouldn't have thought that I am gay if I were to be hanging around you. You see the irony there? There I am but there I am not.

Not that there were no attention, just not the right kind of attention. Succumbing to the natural law that the opposite attracts, a straight gay man tends to attracts the attention of girls. Rejecting a girl without telling her about your own sexuality can be a daunting task. As a matter of fact, telling her about your sexuality might not be the best course of action. Although it was said that girls are more likely to accept gays, it doesn't really cover the guys that they have a crush on. You try to be not that good a person but somehow people still think that you deserve a good girl. There I may not be yet somehow I'm there.

声声慢

有没有听过或看过这样的故事，一个关于一位年轻同志的故事。主人公年轻有为但却可能因为家族生意失败，可能父母离异，可能父母去世了，可能父母好赌等等的因素，主人公被逼辍学。又可能身为长子，又或父母兄弟的不争气，被迫很早就投身社会养家或半工读。也因为如此主人公很早就接触到这个圈子里形形色色的人。主人公在感情路上也颇为坎坷，可能被玩弄过，可能被抛弃过，可能被第三者介入也可能成为过第三者，所以也对这个圈子看透彻了。可能从悲剧开始的那一刻起，他的人生都不曾如意过。这次第，怎一个愁字了得。

听起来好象连续剧般，但当你真正认识一个如此背景的人的时候才发现原来人生真的能如此坎坷。奇怪的是在这个圈子里好像有满多个如此的主人公，算一算，我好象也认识几个如此这般的人。在别人眼里他们可能是得道高憎又或千年老妖，可能年级轻轻就经历了那么多事，所以他们对人生的态度都比一般同龄的来的成熟。他们的成熟在情路上是一种吸引力但有时却也是他们的可悲，有时候在爱情里看的太过透彻反而不能长久。

有时候很想跟他们说看开点但是却又知道他们的性格多数是相信自己能参悟一切的人，对那些他们没有很高的认同的人所说的话都不会听入耳。可能也对吧，一个生活平平无奇的人哪里来资格说教呢？一片芳心千万绪，人间没个安排处？朋友，有些事情就应该让它盲目才会有结果吧。

Ignorance

"Are there gay bars there?"
"There were a few. You didn't visit any?"
"No. Didn't know where they were."
"I see."
"I heard that anal sex is punishable by death there. Is it true?"
"Haha... did you had anal sex while you are here?"
"No. I don't want to die."
"Haha... well, for your information, anal sex is not punishable by death here. Where did you hear this from?"
"From some American friends."
"And you believe them?"
"I can't judge since I don't live there."

This comes from a random chatter from China. I would have continue sarcastically if I have not grown to be as, ahem, mature in thinking (aka lazy) as I am now. But what amazed me was the fact that people can be so ignorant and willing to believe what Americans said, reminds me of our not so distant pass, that people believe that Malaysians live on trees.