22 March 2008

Encounter of A Pathetic Kind

Out of the blue, someone says hi to me on msn. He was not on my list and I have not the faintest recollection about his email address. He is probably someone that I've exchanged msn contacts and have not really chatted before and were swept out during one of my msn cleaning. Anyhow, he was not blocked, just deleted, so he is not someone that I consider psycho.

Practicing the usual chat etiquette, we traded stats. Standing at 175cm and weighing at 70kg, he is either beef up or over weight. I have my bets on the later as I would definitely remember a muscle guy. Following the chat protocol, I move on to requesting his picture. He in return ask for mine, which is well within the expected reaction according to the protocol. We agreed to trade and show our picture on the msn screen. A familiar picture suddenly pops out. The person in the picture was not someone I personally knows, instead he was a friend's friend. I got to know him because he is quite high profile by my standard. But the problem is, the person in the picture is well over 6 feet tall while the person that I was talking to is less then 5 feet 8. It strikes me then that someone is impersonating someone else. It is not the first time that I encounter such people, but really, if you were to pretend to be someone else, at least get your basic information right.

If one were to pretend to be someone else in real life, one are call a con artist. But if one were just doing it online, I think we could aptly call them a pathetic loser. It is very likely that this kind of people has very low self esteem, probably very much superficially based. They probably don't have much friends either, because although we live in a superficial world, the inner beauty still weights alot. Just because someone is over weight or not having the best looking feature doesn't mean that the person does not have any friends. Anybody who think that way are probably even more pathetic.

I believe that it is because of this low self esteem along with lack of friends that made them pretends to be someone else, so that they can be accepted, albeit a misinformed one. They can only wish against wish that their cover is not blown. I doubt that they are doing that to get laid, because they obviously cannot meet in person since they are not the person we want to get laid with.

What would my advice be for this kind of person? I would probably tell them to get a life, but then again, if getting a life is so easy for them, they wouldn't be impersonating someone on the internet. Instead, I think the best course of action would probably be getting in touch with your spiritual belief, either delve into dharma or submit yourself to God. I wouldn't suggest self-help motivation books or religious reading material, because they might misinterpret it. They need a guiding light to enlightenment.

The guy actually has a cam, which I was privileged to view. I was abit surprise that he turn his cam on, but then the scene that came to sight was a pair of boobs over a layered stomach. He got offline before he show me his face and I deleted him from my msn list. I guess after seeing the body made me even more determine to delete him from my list. I guess I'm guilty of being superficial myself.

21 March 2008


Socializing in this circle is a very delicate maneuver. This circle being small as it is, even though with many people still in the closet and all, it's hard not to know someone who knew someone else you knew. Adrian, whom you met in the chatroom, might knew Brian, who was your ex, Calvin's good friend, Daniel's colleague, whom you are still in contact with which has a godbrother, Ethan, whom is one your of ons, Frank's sexbuddy. If you were to put an effort in linking everybody together, you'll be amazed as to how connected you are to the world. Or how messed up you are... depending on how you want to look it anyway.

Some of us prefer to maintain a certain level of discreetness. Maybe they are shy, maybe they are closeted, maybe they are ugly, maybe they are your siblings who knew you were openly gay, maybe they are all of the above, regardless, for people who has a reason to be discreet, socializing in the circle can be daunting. Chatters nowadays are usually incline to ignore people who does not show their face pic, even a nicely build 6 pack can only last you so long. You really does not have any reason whatsoever nowadays to not have a face pic in the world wide web in this technologically advance century. So it become a matter of choice whether you want to show your face to the circle. I believe that if one were to show their face pic openly in any gay channel, they are already half way out of the closet. At least all the gay knows.

The gay brotherhood, or some aptly called it the sisterhood, is a strong band of men who can usually bitch better then a bunch of hags. A true band of brothers would have discussed about not only their daily events, but also their sexual adventure. Some bands of brothers even knew first hand how good the other is in bed. Although it is a commonly held rule to not kiss and tell, many of us let our mouth flab. The brotherhood might be discussing the best method to bulk up, when a certain reference to a certain well built man might somehow lead to someone well endowed, and ultimately lead to ons encounters where the latest trophy was displayed. I believe that most of us has an IQ over 180 seeing that we can seemingly figure out complex correlation between each gay men.

05 March 2008


It was an out of body experience. I look at things in a third person perspective. The things that this person is familiar with, concepts that surfaced, objects that materialized and names that came along, it all seem familiar yet strange at the same time. I was amazed and disgusted for the things that this person lust for. It was such an alien concept to me but yet I understand how significant it was for the person involved.

And then things started to sink in and fall into place. I was distressed that this dissociation would continues forever, that I would never regain myself. There was panic I think, I tried to remember myself. I tried to remind myself of my worth. But alas, nothing seems to pull me back. Despair creeps in but then it was overwhelm by a sense of calm. The willingness to accept the consequences. A distorted enlightenment came to me, I understand the why of things. The sense of tranquility of losing yourself in the moment, of savoring the bodily lust, of forgetting the essence of humanity. If it were to continue forever, I seem not to mind the severe consequences there and then.

Sudden as it came, gone it was too without notice, I came back out. I regained myself. I was glad to come back but I was also eager to return. I was happy to regain myself but were not sorry to lose it in the beginning.

04 March 2008