05 March 2008


It was an out of body experience. I look at things in a third person perspective. The things that this person is familiar with, concepts that surfaced, objects that materialized and names that came along, it all seem familiar yet strange at the same time. I was amazed and disgusted for the things that this person lust for. It was such an alien concept to me but yet I understand how significant it was for the person involved.

And then things started to sink in and fall into place. I was distressed that this dissociation would continues forever, that I would never regain myself. There was panic I think, I tried to remember myself. I tried to remind myself of my worth. But alas, nothing seems to pull me back. Despair creeps in but then it was overwhelm by a sense of calm. The willingness to accept the consequences. A distorted enlightenment came to me, I understand the why of things. The sense of tranquility of losing yourself in the moment, of savoring the bodily lust, of forgetting the essence of humanity. If it were to continue forever, I seem not to mind the severe consequences there and then.

Sudden as it came, gone it was too without notice, I came back out. I regained myself. I was glad to come back but I was also eager to return. I was happy to regain myself but were not sorry to lose it in the beginning.

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