Fuel

What drives a gay relationship? Passion. A whirlwind of love and lust mixed together. Many gays thinks that stability is what they want in a relationship. Harmonies, balance, understanding and caring for each other until the end of time. All this would be the basic building block of a happy family, a happy, normal, straight family, one that we are brought up to believe in. But, the rules of gay relationship does not work this way. Gays does not strive in harmonies, we live for the turmoil in our life. We contradict basic society norms just by being ourselves, so why are we delusional to believe that the happy family formulation works for us too?

We are a screwed lot. We live for the pain. The pain of having anal sex. The pain in knowing that we shared our bf. The pain of endlessly seeking a compatible partner. Many of us seems to fall for the wrong type of guy. The quiet type are attracted by the party animal. The philosophical type are attracted by the muscle hunk. The love seeker ending up with the fun seeker. We keep reminding ourselves that we will not fall for the type of guys we disdain, but somehow when love strikes, we lost all our common sense and principals. Only when it ends that we start questioning ourselves why were we so foolish and blinded. And we vow not to repeat the same mistake again. Then falling into it yet once again. A vicious cycle.

蛹

看那毛虫羽化为蝶
看那孑孓孵化为蚊
看那蝌蚪变作青蛙
察觉到吗?
蜕变的都是冷血的
你说我变了
原来我也是冷血的

转眼间又岂能面目全非？
到底是我变了?
还是你不曾了解我？
如果真的变了为何你不曾察觉过？

难道长久的相处只是子虚乌有？
还是我的伪装天衣无缝？

Omnia vanitas

I don't mind chatting with new people. But sometimes gay man has some very weird ideas about life, especially gay life, in general. I'm especially allergic to the so called new gays. Those that are curious about the circle, have some grand ideas about relationship and are probably very inexperience sex wise. They like to ask question about sex. How does it feel like to top someone? How does it feel like to be bottom? What is like to have threesome? I usually opt for the standard answer, "You go try and you know lo." Seriously, how am I suppose to answer these questions? Shyness aside, one could probably get better ideas through pornographic literature then asking a random stranger on a chatroom, albeit an experience stranger....

A good chat, like a good poem, is hard to come by. Not only because most chatters are only looking to hookup, but both must also be able to connect in order to carry on a chat. The standard procedure during chat are to exchange stats followed by your picture. Of course one could be eliminated if the figure does not telly in the first place, simply known as not with toned shape. Then if you are not good looking enough, people will also tend to ignore you. Many people say that outlook is not important but that's really bullshit. I don't buy that.

For the rest of the world who are just plain joe, we sometimes fantasize how good it would be if only we're good looking. All the attention, all the sex, all the other good looking people we would surround ourselves with. But I wonder, is that really how they think? Personally I think it is sad if people want to know me just to get into my pants, simply being a trophy on someone's wall. But then again, I'm not in the league, and having a good looking guy as a trophy regardless of the circumstances, is something to gloat at.

被想念的日子

每一天你都在想念我 

我感到的是多么的温馨 

但温度却默然下降 

虽然你依然想念我 

虽然你对我的爱未曾减弱 

但每一句想你是多么的遥远 

每一句爱你是多么的微弱 

发热的手碰触冷淡的心 

造就了不可逾越的鸿沟  

我俩的存在是多么的独立 

宛如天边的星星呎尺天涯 

遥远的恒星散发再炽热的温度 

也无法感动那背道而驰的彗星 

那孤高的冰球正燃烧自我 

在漆黑的天边划出一道银痕 

最终化作微尘 

温柔的问候 

不在激起火花 

狂热的拥抱 

就只有点点的涟漪 

逝去的心沦落为背叛的心 

喜悦的爱沉沦为不得已敷衍 

那背叛的心虽也曾爱过 

但却已粉碎了 

温柔的心却持续的发热 

不察觉那冷冰冰的心 

在折射着温柔的光 

不曾感到愉悦的温 

不曾散发相对的爱 

持续的想念成为了

那被想念的日子