30 April 2009

Go With A Blast

"Don't you worry when you do it raw? STD? Aids?"
"You can get STD through oral sex too, rubber doesn't necessary protects you."
"At least it minimize the chance of you getting infected."
"Nothing much I could do if luck strikes right?"
"You have to be responsible for your own life. You can die a horrible death from Aids and STD you know."
"Yeah, I presume that cancer, heart attack are pleasant death? The fact is, if I die, I die. It can be a car ramming into me or it can be some disease like cancer or Aids. Not much reason for me to worry about my death when it comes."
"You might infect others."
"Dare to play, dare to face. It's nobody's fault but your own."
"I doubt that you'll be so carefree when you are infected."
"You trying to jinx me?"
"No, I'm just saying."
"There was this time, a long time ago, when I was in a group and I did raw with this guy. Afterwards, he whisper into my ear saying what if I tell you I have Aids."
"Oh my god."
"I just look at him and said, then we die together."
"Aren't you worried? Or scared?"
"Like I said, dare to play, dare to face. No point crying over spilled milk."
"So are you positive?"
"Luckily no. But then again, it might be dormant now."

To look death in the eye requires enormous courage, but when death stares back, we'll be scared shit and piss in our pants. But why do some of us has such apathy towards life? It seems like the whole reason of their existence was to live life happily and die young. Or maybe it is because they have yet to come face to face with death. That they have yet to feel the terror and regrets of life slipping away.

Regrets often comes when there is nothing we can do about something. We learn to live with regrets but when it is life that we regret not living, it became an ultimatum. Regrets no longer carry any meaning. I believe that people that does not cherish life are likely people that does not have a reason to live. Some people live for their family, some live to achieve a dream, people live for their own selfish reason. Because of these reasons, we try to make the best of our existence in this world. But without a reason, life becomes a sightseeing journey instead, we just drift along the river of life.

And then there is irony. The great irony of life is that just when you have found a reason to live, you'll be denied of the chance to live. It's like a karma thing.

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