08 August 2009

Provocation through Inspiration

It was weird to officially see a follower on this obscure corner in the cyberworld. True, there are friends who sometimes drop by, but to see "1 Follower" on the dashboard was, in a sense, awe inspiring. Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't appreciate those who drop by once in awhile, I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.

Nearing 30 seems to stir up quite some things in life. It was weird in a sense that everything from ideals in life, dreams of future, passion for words, self revelation and other random thoughts just gushes out of nowhere. Everything suddenly shines in a different light. I realized that I'm trapped in a rat race, or rather, I have always know that I'm in a rat race but just never have the motivation to get out of it. I was waiting for Godot.

I think my celestial stars are aligning in a particular way now that I'm nearing the big three-O. I realized that I have spend the pass few years doing nothing. It was at first fun because I thought I was enjoying my life to its fullest but then the depressing moment daunts me when I have to come to terms with the fact that I have wasted a big chunk of my prime achieving nothing, nothing memorable. There was no monetary gain, no asset, no hunky body, no success. Lucky for me, I don't dwell on the past too long. Nothing to be done about the past. Time to move on, that's what I told myself. The sudden paradigm shift was exciting.

There was a lot of anxiety involved when one makes life changing decisions no matter the age. But the relief one felt after affirming to that decision was overwhelming. I am generally happier. Going to office no longer seems so depressing , although I still wake up unwillingly. It opens up a whole lot of different perspectives in life.

I hope to start writing again. I think there lives an aspiring writer somewhere in me.

I think I need to pucker up and stop being so random in my thoughts.

1 comment:

verbie said...

i thought that i was alone. you know, having exactly the same thoughts and emotion when i hit the big three-O. so, it was good, reading your post. albeit it may sound selfish and insensitive to you, i feel comforted in a way, that there is someone out there that share what i felt when nearing the big three-O.