看透

心中起伏如浪潮，原来我的心没有离开过你的身边，说看透只是欺骗自己，我痛苦的泪落向何处？

看透不过是我告诉身边人的话，
在我的心中我清楚知道我所执迷的背影，
敛藏着我对你的亏欠。
但是你已远去，
留下的痕迹已看不见轮廓，
甜美的记忆总是消逝的最快，
我让心隐隐作痛，
只为了留住我对你的思念。

痛

对你的思念，我不会斩，也不会忘……我选择痛！让我心的刺痛来记住那种感觉，让我无时无刻都感受这种刺痛，只有这样，我才会一直记住，一直……不忘。

《求魔》

Vow

I encounter millions of bodies in my life; of these millions, I may desire some hundreds; but of these hundreds, I love only one.
Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse: Fragments

It takes being ill to remind me of how much I missed you. Just not too long ago, I thought that the feeling has finally retreat into the background as a low murmur, but then it screams and now it echos loudly. I'm glad that the feeling returns; reminds me of where I vow to place my love.

Japanese, for real?

Had a very interesting conversation on grindr, with a japanese living in KL. He certainly opens my eyes about japanese culture. At first, I was a bit taken aback when he ask if I squat on the toilet seat while taking a dung, that certainly rank high in weirdness when it's the first few questions ask to a stranger. He mentioned that Malaysian guy squat on toilet seat, which he finds fascinating, in a fetish kind of way. He then demonstrate this japanese superiority complex, when he learn that people in this developing country knows about fetishes, just like people in his developed country. I was a bit annoyed with his attitude. Then he told me that when he is younger, around 18-22 years old, his fetish is suits, because during that period, he wears gucci often. I just rolled my eyes.

But then he also tells me that japanese don't do anal sex that often, only 30-40% of them do, because it seems that they don't have the facility to clean their ass for anal sex. They have automated ass cleaning apparatus but not a hose that connects to a water source?  Somehow this seems sensible yet senseless at the same time. Seeing that all I know about japan is through tv, I guess I just have to believe what he said, that anal sex is another form of fetish in japan.

Lapse

A month lapsed and I have not updated any post, the blog remains the same just as I remains the same, though one might wonder how much can mere 30 days change a person? Yet I know that the world can turn upside down in a split second. Life that one has known all his life could morph into something totally alien. Alien, not necessary terrible, just different. So much so that one would need extensive period of time to get use to it, but alas human is good at adapting to new surrounding. In time, we cope with what we are thrust into. Hoping that it remains the same from now on.