回忆的次数的确少了
但是每次的思念却一样的强烈。
我总会在眼角看见你的踪迹
总是有那么一个人和你一样的高
顶着同一个发型
和你一样有着黝黑的肤色
出现在眼帘
但是却从来不会是你出现在转角处。
我天天都留意面子书上关于你的信息
尽管我不会点进你个人的空间
但是每当看见有人提起你的名字
我都会仔细观看
希望能够看见现在的你
快乐地生活着。
你鲜少会在面子书上贴文
所以当我看见你说生活不如意时
我有那么一霎那想要去了解和安慰你
但是我的理性终究压抑着冲动
我害怕你根本不稀罕我的关心。
其实我在面子书上的每则贴文
都是以你为假想
我幻想你还关心着我的生活动态
只是基于无可避免的原因而选择默默关注。
我由衷的希望
你离开是因为你要我好好的一个人去生活
尽管我知道是在欺骗自己
但是有时候活在谎言中比面对事实来的更好
毕竟编织的梦想是那么的美满
那么的充实。
From an age of innocence to a time of flagrant debauchery; from finding love to losing hope, this is the life journey of a Chinese gay guy born in KL, Malaysia where he tries to make sense of his homosexuality, his life and the world around him.
17 June 2014
08 June 2014
With a Vengeance
With the boom of social media, the dynamics of gay interactions evolved. Many a thing once deem taboo even by gays are now generally accepted, like... hmm... come to think about it... is there even any taboo for gays? Anyway, my point being, gay interactions in this digital age has intensified greatly. People are losing their virginity sooner, trying out all sorts of sexual practices and of course quadrupled the chance of getting to know people who share similar fascination towards the male body. It not only opens up our world, it also taught us vital skills in life, namely the art of rejection.
In this day and age, we have all our fair share of being rejected and rejecting others. We all have had doors slammed in the face at hello, be it slammer or slammed. Though rejection is never an enjoyable vibe, we all learned to accept it, because the rule of the universe dictates "as you choose, you are chosen upon too". It's a fair world; if you want to get that cute, handsome and built man, make sure you are equally cute, handsome and built. Simple logic.
That being said, rejection can be a driving force too. We have all heard stories of people losing tremendous weight or gaining ripping muscle to become an adonis. We naturally assume that these hunks get all the good meat in the circle, which I have yet to conclude, seeing that their path and mine don't cross. As to how and if rejection does keeps one motivated, I guess it very much depends on individual.
But there is one thing about rejection that we all share, that is the sense of achievement when we are accepted by those who once rejected us. Especially in the case of hooking up, it feels great when you finally get under the pants of those who once rejected you; and the session ends with a mental note for yourself "reject me, see where I get you now, ha!". The sense of accomplishment can be so overwhelming that some consider it their trophy moment and can't wait to share it with others. Lets face it, even though kiss-and-tell is a terrible habit, but for an average joe, we pride ourselves in nailing a handsome dude.
But people often lose sight when it comes to after-sex contemplation (yes, the universe preach that one should always reflect upon oneself after orgasm, it's a good stimulation for the mind), we never question why the person who rejected us accept us again? Was it because we was unimpressive back then that the guy has no recollection? If that is the case, do we question ourselves whether we have improved much since then? If the answer is negative, why do we not wonder why we were accepted again this time round? The answer might not be forthcoming from the person, but there are consensus about how such change of heart happens, and that is, the person was just too horny and you happens to come by when all his options go south. To put it bluntly, it was mere luck and it's likely to be a one-off kind of thing, so don't get carried away and hope to become his buddy or worse, fuel your ego with false pride. The rules of universe dictates, "universe hiccups too", so after the hiccup, the rules will fall back into place, and the world will keep on going as it is, with both person once again segregated accordingly.
In this day and age, we have all our fair share of being rejected and rejecting others. We all have had doors slammed in the face at hello, be it slammer or slammed. Though rejection is never an enjoyable vibe, we all learned to accept it, because the rule of the universe dictates "as you choose, you are chosen upon too". It's a fair world; if you want to get that cute, handsome and built man, make sure you are equally cute, handsome and built. Simple logic.
That being said, rejection can be a driving force too. We have all heard stories of people losing tremendous weight or gaining ripping muscle to become an adonis. We naturally assume that these hunks get all the good meat in the circle, which I have yet to conclude, seeing that their path and mine don't cross. As to how and if rejection does keeps one motivated, I guess it very much depends on individual.
But there is one thing about rejection that we all share, that is the sense of achievement when we are accepted by those who once rejected us. Especially in the case of hooking up, it feels great when you finally get under the pants of those who once rejected you; and the session ends with a mental note for yourself "reject me, see where I get you now, ha!". The sense of accomplishment can be so overwhelming that some consider it their trophy moment and can't wait to share it with others. Lets face it, even though kiss-and-tell is a terrible habit, but for an average joe, we pride ourselves in nailing a handsome dude.
But people often lose sight when it comes to after-sex contemplation (yes, the universe preach that one should always reflect upon oneself after orgasm, it's a good stimulation for the mind), we never question why the person who rejected us accept us again? Was it because we was unimpressive back then that the guy has no recollection? If that is the case, do we question ourselves whether we have improved much since then? If the answer is negative, why do we not wonder why we were accepted again this time round? The answer might not be forthcoming from the person, but there are consensus about how such change of heart happens, and that is, the person was just too horny and you happens to come by when all his options go south. To put it bluntly, it was mere luck and it's likely to be a one-off kind of thing, so don't get carried away and hope to become his buddy or worse, fuel your ego with false pride. The rules of universe dictates, "universe hiccups too", so after the hiccup, the rules will fall back into place, and the world will keep on going as it is, with both person once again segregated accordingly.
05 June 2014
Role & Responsibility
Top, versatile, bottom or T/V/B, is the quintessential greetings among gay men; crucial in helping us determine whether we want to be acquainted with another gay man. On one hand, it's vain and degrading because we sum up one person base on his preferences in bed, but on the other hand, it's a crucial indicator for relationship. Most gay man try to avoid falling in love with someone they can't have intercourse with as a love-without-sex is a one way ticket to infidelity.
Obviously, each role comes with its own pros and cons. When we enter the gay world as a virgin that's not going to last too long in this day and era, we might weight the benefits before designating an alphabet to ourselves. Although we can in the course of our life change from one role to another caused by factors such as age, drugs, paradigm shift, enlightenment etc, it should be a good rule of thumb for these virgins to assume the top role until the sacred backend has been intruded, because how could anybody declare themselves bottom or versatile when they have never had a cock up their ass?
But then again, just because one know what they are doing in bed, doesn't mean it make any sense either. For example, someone who proclaimed himself top confessed that versatile has the most fun because they enjoy both ends. But when inquire why would he not turn versatile since he envy them so much, all he says is that, it hurts. Though I tried to assure him that all he need is the right man with the right tool to ease him in, he refused. One can bar entry because of pain, one can limit entry to authorized personnel, but his notion just don't quite make sense for me.
There were other guys with peculiar guidelines when it comes to sex. Like, they can't accept versatile eventhough they themselves like it both way. It cannot come to their knowledge that their top has been topped. Their top must be older, not younger. Their top must be shorter, not taller (OK, this I understand as height difference does equate different dymanics). Things we expect from other people can sometimes be demanding to the extreme.
Obviously, each role comes with its own pros and cons. When we enter the gay world as a virgin that's not going to last too long in this day and era, we might weight the benefits before designating an alphabet to ourselves. Although we can in the course of our life change from one role to another caused by factors such as age, drugs, paradigm shift, enlightenment etc, it should be a good rule of thumb for these virgins to assume the top role until the sacred backend has been intruded, because how could anybody declare themselves bottom or versatile when they have never had a cock up their ass?
But then again, just because one know what they are doing in bed, doesn't mean it make any sense either. For example, someone who proclaimed himself top confessed that versatile has the most fun because they enjoy both ends. But when inquire why would he not turn versatile since he envy them so much, all he says is that, it hurts. Though I tried to assure him that all he need is the right man with the right tool to ease him in, he refused. One can bar entry because of pain, one can limit entry to authorized personnel, but his notion just don't quite make sense for me.
There were other guys with peculiar guidelines when it comes to sex. Like, they can't accept versatile eventhough they themselves like it both way. It cannot come to their knowledge that their top has been topped. Their top must be older, not younger. Their top must be shorter, not taller (OK, this I understand as height difference does equate different dymanics). Things we expect from other people can sometimes be demanding to the extreme.
11 May 2014
爱是趟轮回
他情窦初开，感受到爱的甜酸，一次的背叛却让他对爱情失去信心。他自我放纵在欲望间，游走在人群中，只享受肉体的快感，对爱情望而却却。他用自身的强悍征服了无数人，招来了汹涌的追求；尽管他内心深处依然渴望爱，然而他坚决拒绝爱。
万丈冰山虽然冷傲，但是总有一天会被缕缕的阳光融化。日复一日的累积让他身心疲累，就在他心房失守的一霎那，有人终于闯进了他的内心，再次颠倒了他的世界。久违的暖意让他失措，他害怕脆弱的心再次受伤，所以就摆出强势的姿态，设下一道道的难题，以为这样就掌控关系，殊不知冰山融化后虽然是柔情的水，能填满了他空虚的心灵；但是一拥而下却形成洪涝淹隔绝了两人的心。
强强对碰，瓦砾满地，回首时才发现自己再次站在爱情的悬崖边，随时掉入深渊。他也隐隐听见自己的哭泣，回荡在耳边的是对方的责备，控诉他没有珍惜爱情。他陷入纠缠。从发现爱到失去爱，从找回爱到遗失爱，他始终无法跳脱这趟轮回。
孰不知一段感情要修成正果，靠的是双方一同去维系，两人都必须对未来有共同的目标才能携手迈进。如果两人没有对未来生活有共识，那么他们注定要经历因为认知不同而引发的问题，最终还可能是以分手收场呢。这都是浅白的道理，但是又有多少对当局者能够让想法同步，一同抵抗感情世界的暗流，一同迎接归于平淡的生活。
在面对情感的争议时，必须有一个人能够放下身段认错，好把纠纷解决，否则漫漫情路肯定会崎岖难行。於戏！可乎哉？可乎哉？谈何容易。
万丈冰山虽然冷傲，但是总有一天会被缕缕的阳光融化。日复一日的累积让他身心疲累，就在他心房失守的一霎那，有人终于闯进了他的内心，再次颠倒了他的世界。久违的暖意让他失措，他害怕脆弱的心再次受伤，所以就摆出强势的姿态，设下一道道的难题，以为这样就掌控关系，殊不知冰山融化后虽然是柔情的水，能填满了他空虚的心灵；但是一拥而下却形成洪涝淹隔绝了两人的心。
强强对碰，瓦砾满地，回首时才发现自己再次站在爱情的悬崖边，随时掉入深渊。他也隐隐听见自己的哭泣，回荡在耳边的是对方的责备，控诉他没有珍惜爱情。他陷入纠缠。从发现爱到失去爱，从找回爱到遗失爱，他始终无法跳脱这趟轮回。
孰不知一段感情要修成正果，靠的是双方一同去维系，两人都必须对未来有共同的目标才能携手迈进。如果两人没有对未来生活有共识，那么他们注定要经历因为认知不同而引发的问题，最终还可能是以分手收场呢。这都是浅白的道理，但是又有多少对当局者能够让想法同步，一同抵抗感情世界的暗流，一同迎接归于平淡的生活。
在面对情感的争议时，必须有一个人能够放下身段认错，好把纠纷解决，否则漫漫情路肯定会崎岖难行。於戏！可乎哉？可乎哉？谈何容易。
05 May 2014
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