Villains by Necessity

Axcest member card... hmm... a prove of our gayness. Somehow it all seems so disquieting.

They say that we should embrace our own identity, but to how far should we embrace it? Wouldn't it be consider as inappropriate flaunting instead? Some might look down upon me because they deem that I don't accept my sexuality, that I don't admit that I am gay. But how many of us can really comfortably admit that we are gay before our family and friends? Not all are lucky enough to have accepting family and friends. Even for them, it is not thorough acceptance but only those they deem dear. If we are to be discriminated because we are gay, we have no where to turn to. Then, shouldn't the wise course would be not admitting it, in pretense of a straight life instead. It just makes life less complicated. Life is a hurdle enough without us adding obstruction for ourselves. Although we are only prolonging the inevitable, it is still something I would chance on.

Does that mean our life are build upon lies and masqueration? But that's whats life are build upon. Whose life are without lies and masqueration? If yours trully are, then I congratulate you but deep inside I hold that the biggest lie ever.

Some say that they are born to be gay. They can do nothing about it. But certainly they could deny it and live a straight life however torturing it might be. Many have done it and are learning to live through it. Saying that we are born to be gay are just an excuse to drool over the rejections by society. I don't deny that we might be born to be gay, but I still believe that we need to accept it in order to live with it. By such acceptance, am I not embracing my own identity? Eventhough I am not admitting that I am gay before my family and friends? Is verbal acknowledgement that important?

Head High Chin Up

"I'm going to break up with my boyfriend."
"Oh..... why?"
"Because I found out that he is a little sissy."
"Huh? But didn't you notice that when you first get together?"
"Well, he is quite masculine when we were first together, but now, he is getting more femine. He talks soft, he act soft, he sings soft... he is soft."
"Hmm... are you going to use that as a reason to break up with him?"
"Yup."
"Have you told him?"
"Yup."
"Oh... did he accept that reason?"
"Hell no. He doesn't accept it when I told him."
"So?"
"I told him I'm gonna write him an email as to why, but he just went offline"
"Err... you told him through the net?"
"Yup."
"I see. But I guess nobody wants to read an email that explain why they are being dumped."
"I guess so."
"Well, good luck then."
"Hmm... thanks. Anyway, got to go now. Talk to you later."
"Ok. Bye."

Gay relationship are very volatile in a sense that commitment is a very platonic issue. Most gay couple don't live happily ever after. At least not for the first, second, thrid, fourth, fifth or N try. I guess sometimes it is understandable for some people to critisize gay relationship.

How would one define gay? Is it someone who is interested in the same sex? Or was it someone who feel that they should be born the opposite sex? Wasn't that the difference between homosexual or transexual?

I found that many gay people are rather soft. Sometimes, just by the way they talk and walk, you can tell who is gay. Actually, that is the only way I can tell in distinguishing gay and non-gay. My gaydar are very lousy. Everytime when I decided to go out with someone I chatted, I would ask them whether they are straight-acting or sissy. Everytime they would say that they are straight-acting. But when I did meet them, I found that they are actually not as straight-acting as they claim. Maybe my definition of straight-acting are different from theirs but to me, they are clearly gay even if I don't know it initially. Might be that, as some of my friends said, we are more loosen up when we are with those of same gang...

I am not saying that I am bias and discriminates about how one carry themselves but I sometimes just ponder, since I am gay and I like men, why would I want to be with some man who act girly. If I want that, I might as well get a real girl.... I don't think it has anything to do with sex coz one can perform oral or anal sex in a heterosexual relationship too... unless it was because of the male genitalia... Hmmm.....

The Pinnacle of Porn

There come a time when you are watching hardcore porn and suddenly a weird thought creeps in, where is the storyline? It is then that you realized you have reached the pinnacle of hardcore porn where two, three, four or N people having sex are no more enticing. You long for a good storyline amidst the sex. Beautiful scenary instead of the 4 walls, one bed and two person making out. The mindless act of sex become a little too uncomprehensible, where the correct response was no longer easily called to hand. Eventhough you realized that hardcore porn are as it is - people having sex, yet some part in you hope for more depth not deeper thrust. Because you know that in the end, you are not thrusting anything besides your member and your hand.

It goes for sex too. There will be a time where sex is no longer about getting hard, putting it in somewhere then cum and go. You long for intimate moment but not the long term relationship kind. You still long for the  no string attached one night stand but hope that it was something more then ONS, less then love-making. It should be a mixture of sex and love, where both party's aim is to fulfill the other person's lust. The whole point of sex is to be high and enjoyable, not cum and get tired.

What ship never sinks? Friendship. ~shiver~

If you just want to befriend me, does it matter what I look like? Yeah, it does. Well, I'm superficial, so are you. If you feel that I'm not presentable to be your friend, fine, you stuck up sob.  We all have the rights to choose our friends, and it's not wrong if we want to surround ourselves with goodlooking friends. Vain as it is, we just can't help it, it's in our bones. Gay pride... haha.

But it is a totally different matter when you refuse to show your picture and expect people to accept you as who you are. Nobody are that lacking in friends to accept such bullshit. Come on, so you are not running for Manhunt, nor does 99% of the rest of the world. A person who has confidence in himself looks better then those with just good looks, just barely anyway.

Again, if you just want to befriend me, does it matter that I am single or attached or having multiple partners? Oh, you fear that you might fall for me one day because I'm such a good guy that you don't want to be the possible intruders into my beautiful relationship. Well, in that case, I'm flattered, I'll let it go this time.  Sometimes we just overestimate our charms. If the guy that is attached can so easily dump his current for you, he can be as good as it gets. Those who are really committed doesn't budge so easily, they are more often a sore to the eyes instead when they are together. Of course if you found yourself falling for a happily attached friend, then at least you have a standard reference for your future prospect. You can also compare yourself to the so-called competitor and improve yourself accordingly. Think in terms of game theory, there is no reason why it can't be a win-win situation.

And if I am someone who have multiple partners, does it matter what my private life is to you? Unless you want to be one of those partner. And if your fear for sexually transmitable disease, insist on using condoms then.

To top or not to top, that is the question...

Why does a top like to fuck a guy but not a woman? Hmm... never fuck a woman before, so I wouldn't know for sure. But from what I heard, it is something similar yet different. Similar as in the thrusting movements, different as in the things that your hands can place on and the feel of your tool can also be quite distinct when different positions are involved.

But straightly from a hypothethical point of view, a man probably knows how to please another man then most woman does. Hmm... that doesn't sound quite right. Every man has their own jacking style and speed, usually a mixture of different tempo and beats. With so many years of practice, we learn to hone our skill to satisfy our own needs, but when other people apply their technique onto us, we often find that they are lousy  jacker. Maybe a mere matter of being bias, yet our cock don't lie. If it gets soft during the whole action sequence, it's probably not well aroused or you have an erectile dysfunction problem, in which case one should consult a doctor for early diagnostic. Remember people, erectile dysfunction can be treated if discovered early. A dysfunctioned gay is like a blowup doll, he can only blow and open his hole.

Wait, that's not the question. The question was why does a top like to fuck a guy but not a woman. Begging the question. It assumes that a top is a top because he can fucks. But it disregards the fact that the top is gay  in the first place. Top are attracted to male anatomy at first and prefer fucking later. Not the other way round. Offer your hole to another straight man who never thought of homosexual intercourse, and you'll probably be turn down with a few punch prints on your face. A gay becomes a top for a few reasons, namely the pain, the emotional thresold and the sheer misfortune of not meeting a skill top. Regardless of the reasons, a top will in due course of their life tried being bottom. Whether they can be converted is a totally different matter.

If you assume that a gay top is only someone who likes to shag, then you are wrong, it encompass more then that. Fucking is a natural male behavior, fucking a man on the other hand is merely a choice. We are still gay first, top later. The sight of a naked man aroused us. A prerequisite of being a good top involve good oral skill, great kisser and splendid foreplay. Oh, and of course able to fuck long and hard. Not! The fact is, not many bottom can stand overly long anal intrusion. It might be fun to flirt on long hard anal sex but getting down and dirty to do it can be real daunting for both the top and the bottom. Don't mix-up love making and sex. Love making can be over a long period of time. Sex is usually wrap up in an hour or two, which includes showering before after and maybe even a shot of cigarrate. If the man you are having sex with only want you to suck him and let him fuck you, it is most likely that he consider you as his blow-up doll only, don't think too much of having a relationship with him. If you really enjoy the sex, think of it as a living warm dildo instead.

Bottoms Up

It seems that I have, all this while, ignorantly misinterpreted the word bottom. I always thought that bottom refers to a person's role during intercourse where a top is someone who perform the entry while bottom are the one who were being entered. Or more plainly, the top fucks while be the bottom are fucked. How wrong was I...

I have actually met quite a few people online who proclaim themselves bottom, but when press for further details revealed that they have actually never done it before. Some were even lacking in sexual experiences. I was puzzled as to how they come to this conclusion that they are bottom. I always thought that you must try it before you know which role suits you best. The initial pain of anal sex should not be taken lightly. Blame it on the internet for making porn so easily available and making people believe that it is all high and wild fun. Let someone fuck you first before you say you are a bottom. Stick to being a top until then. That's what I thought. It's true that a skilled top can make your experience much enjoyable, but how many of us actually has a skilled top for a first time. And if you can't get over the pain phobia, you're probably never gonna allow it until the time when you are in need of an endorscopy.

But now, after several encounters, I seem to be grasping the real meaning of being a bottom. It is actually more of an idea with complex incorporation of the need and preferences of a person in regards to physical and emotional dependency rather then simple pendulum movement of swing in swing out. It was probably twisted the other way round or terms generated to better explain the behavior of gay people but if we were to expand the term top and bottom to include heterosexual relationship, a top would be a man while a bottom a woman. A man enters, a woman entered. In this way, we can also see a correlation that a bottom is very much like a woman. Someone, who in a patriach society, acts as the weaker role that needs TLC. In this sense, a bottom gay man are someone who wants to be taken care of instead of needing to take care someone. They are like the wife in a gay marriage who are suppose to cook, iron and feed the dog. The husband has to bring in the food, buy the cloth and walk the dog. That does not mean that a bottom must be  someone who is effiminate or prefer being entered. You can still be a bottom while entering someone as I am lead to believe.

But many people are confused, assuming that a bottom only refers to someone who like to be fucked. Sexual satisfaction aside, a bottom would prefer to be appretiated and loved. Really, I don't think there are many bottom who just wanted to be fucked and disregard being loved. A top might just wanna shag, but definately not a bottom. Or so help us god. So, the next time you meet a bottom, don't jump into conclusion that they want you to shag them. Really, top guys, treat bottoms with some love and respect first if you really wanna shag that young cute bottom you met on axcest. And by some, I mean lots of work before and lots of works after aka courting and breaking-up.