I thought I came to realize, since a long time ago, that if you were to just stop and take in the things that happens around you, you'll find that things happen more frequent then you think. I thought I notice the similar few numbers on most car plates. I thought I notice the same brand of shoes most gymmers wear. I thought I notice the same traits that gays carry themselves with. I thought that by pausing awhile in time to scrutinize the things that happens around you, you'll be able to make sense of things happening around you. I thought I was opening up to the world, but I was actually closing the windows and looking through a tiny peephole.
It was not because the same few numbers keep showing up but because I chose to see only the numbers I want to see. There are only 10 numbers and less then 10 thousand combination of numbers anyway. It was not because most gymmers wear the same brand of shoes but because I chose to see only the brand I want to see. There are only so many brands for shoes. It was not because most gays carry the same traits but because I chose to believe that gays acts in a certain way. Sexual orientation does not determine our personalities.
I come to realize now that taking time to examine things was great until you realize that you are not looking at the big picture anymore. Like the year end reflection that we all do , we try to evaluate our deeds in the pass year, the experience that we have accumulated and the regrets that we have caused. Then we came up with a new year resolution, telling ourselves that for the coming year, we shall achieve the few goals listed, but I wonder how many of us gets to complete the list. Maybe it is a matter of sheer willpower that determine whether we are able to achieve the goals or maybe we are just giving ourselves excuses. Regardless, the whole cycle of resolution and reflection repeats every year. Sometimes I wonder why do we torture ourselves with all this. I agree that life will be boring without expectations. I agree that life has its ups and downs. But I always thought that if I don't expect anything to happen, whatever good that happens will be a pleasant surprise and whatever bad that happens will be lesser a pain.
Did we lose ourselves during this reflection and resolution period or are we gaining perspective of our life? How do we live our life is our decision. How do we handle a relationship is our decision. There is no right and wrong in life. As long as you believe in it, then that is the truth, regardless of what other people thinks. Life too short to be bothered by irrelevance such as these. That's my reflection for year 2007.