20 April 2010

The Road Not Taken

"Do you still want to be in a relationship?"
"You know, I like the feeling of going after someone, but not really a big fan of being with someone."
"But the purpose of going after someone is to be with him in the end."
"Yeah, but when you settled with someone, a whole lot of mess just spring up and would be such a bitch to live through."
"You have commitment issues."
"Maybe. But don't you agree that people usually complains about the relationship once they are settled together. People don't bitch about those things when they are merely seeing each other."
"That's what relationship is about."
"Which is why I don't think I'll go into a full fledged relationship anytime soon."
"Typical PLU."
"By typical, you are referring to yourself too you know."

I find myself contemplating what kind of relationship I would want to involve myself in. It seems that I am discontented with the idea of typical gay relationship. Some aim for that one and only man that he shall spend the remaining of his life with. Some are bitter towards men that they have lost themselves in the pain that men had caused them. Some men are in open relationship, and by open, they merely need more sexual option. Some men has forsake the possibility of love and emerge themselves in other aspect of life. What do I want?

Like any greedy man, I wanted to leave my options open. But like most greedy man, I am unable to cope with the stress that comes with keeping my options open. To juggle between different men whether it be relationship or sex, are equally demanding and exhausting. We always want to believe we can handle all the options, but truth is, most of us only end up messing the whole thing instead. But then, we never learn, do we? Either that, or people get so badly hurt, they never recover. It is always the two extreme, where is the normal distribution of a statistical common bell shape curve?

Ask not for any return and you shall be contented with life. Would that work in a relationship? That I were to be nearly wanting to get close to you but not expecting you to reciprocate any feeling, would that not make me a fool instead? But a fool is often happy as long as he remains a fool. Maybe a little paradigm shift is in need, it's not foolishly happy in love, but to see of it as the path of happiness by choosing to act the fool in love. It makes sense, does it not?

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

In the end, it is really what we feel that matter most.

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