11 June 2006

Let the dust lies

Not many gays are openly gay. Some are totally hidden while some only reveal to their family, close friends, gay friends or sex partners. Most of us are semi-disclosed and are satisfied with how things were, more or less. But that's our dirty little secret, it doesn't stop us from wanting to know other people's orientation. We wonder if handsome Adam from account are gay? Or the specky cute guy from 17th floor are gay? Maybe that high school classmate that never seem to have any gf are gay? Or that cute guy with 5 elder sisters are gay? If that muscular jock in gym are gay, which most probably are anyway just don't have any confirmation...

Some are good in detecting other gay. Some friends like to say, "look at his face also know is gay la..." It holds true for some, some are quite gayish in their outlook, some in their mannerism, some you never thought that he was gay until someone else confirmed of sleeping around with him. Yet, it is often fun to guess if someone is gay, sometimes it can be thrilling to know that someone is gay like the case of celebrities. But there comes a time that those things are better left unknown. Do we really want to know if our siblings or parents are gay? Do we really want to know our best friend that we have a crush on are gay? Maybe we do… But what if this friend is actually secretly attached to that cute gym hunk that you’ve been drooling over? Damn, double damn!

Revelation comes with a price. Knowing that the cute gym hunk that you have been eyeing is gay doesn't really make a difference. Because we realized that they are out of our league. It's not looking down upon ourselves, its call reality. Sometimes it is good to have a wet dream, sometimes reality hits you hard in the crotch especially when a hardon is coming. Take the case of the hip-hop instructor that everybody knows. When you first see him, you'll think... cute. Then when you realized that he is gay, you'll think sheepishly... I thought so too. When you realized that he is attached, you think miserably... would I ever get someone as good and damn if his bf is equally cute? The comments regarding this couple varies, some good some bad, but the bottom line is people are attached while you are not, ha! It's a spiral of despair.

Yet, it is sometimes awkward to find some friends that you have previously known are actually gay. The transition of changing the topic from when are you getting married to have you been sleeping around with that guy takes time. Plenty of time. I knew a classmate that is gay, but I just can’t bring myself to admitting that I am too. Maybe he already knew that I am, but that topic never came up and we just let it be as it is. Maybe if one day I bump into him in a gay place or gathering, it could break the ice, but it would certainly be very embarrassing if it was a gay sex party of sorts.

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