09 June 2006

A Matter of Life and Death

Question: Imagine that you are happily in love with the perfect guy that you’ve dreamed for. Living a happy life finally contented. Then you found out that you have a terminal disease. What would you do?
(A) Tell your perfect guy about it and fight it together.
(B) Tell your perfect guy about it and break up with him so that he wouldn’t see you suffer.
(C) Not tell him about it and break up with him so that he wouldn’t see you suffer.

First, the question is universal; it applies to all relationship without prejudice. Second, the question can be view in opposite where it was the perfect guy that is ill instead of you. Compare the two answers truthfully and you’ll find out something about yourself.

But the question itself can be expanded to include different variables that would affect the different type of choices available. What type of disease? Is it something transmittable? If it is transmittable, where did it come from? Was it AIDS? Who were having unprotected rampant sex? Following this line of thinking, the choices aren’t likely to be pleasant.

But if it is just some disease like cancer, then the choices available are still viable. Part of answer A and B involve telling him about it. The question following this is whether the guy can accepts it, if he is willing to go through it with you? We can probably argue that because he was the perfect guy, of course he would be by the side till the end. But we are not perfect, human endurance can only go so far. If even for family members it proves to be a challenge, let alone two that is only in love. Would we be angry at our love one for not being able to go through the pain together but only the joy? Or are we capable of enduring a pain that is not our physical concern? It’s like the movie A Walk To Remember, finally she died and left him behind. But what if she were to live even longer still, would it still be the same ending for both of them? Or what happen to him way afterward when she died? We can only ponder.

For answer B and C, it involves the decision of going through it alone. Again, are you a lover that can only share joy but not pain? Maybe it is too much to ask for some healthy strangers, albeit a well known stranger, to accompany us on such a journey. But maybe we can be lucky enough to meet one such person. Still, do we want them to experience the emotional roller coaster ride as we do? But then again, if we are terminally ill, we should be allow to throw a tantrum once in awhile, for god sake, it’s not like those tantrums are going to repeat more often… or can we? It was not a matter of fairness, if the world is fair, we will all be living happily ever after.

Thoery of Special Relativity (6:18 PM - 3, Jun 2006 Saturday)
People tends to condemn long distance relationship. They do not believe that it would work. They say that the distance makes the two person drift apart. Infidelity, lies, sadness and torments lay in wait for all those who dare venture into such relationship. But is it true? Does not normal distance relationship are also likely to have the same problems?

So why does most LDR fails? It was mostly due to infidelity. We cannot accept the fact that our partner is sleeping around with someone else. It usually involves a man willing to celibate and another man unable to celibate. And it is only proper to remind you that it is not always the top that flirts around, sometimes it is the bottom that has an itchy hole.  It is usually this imbalance of sexual energy that cause the sexually deprieved party to ask for a break. A flirter in a LDR wouldn't mind having a bf while still fooling around. Why is it that we are so unwilling to forego the sex if it was love that we search for. Isn't love a whole mental aspect while lust is just a bodily satisfaction? Many are willing to save sex for a love one but they are not willing to love one who had sex with people other than them.

Distance is just an excuse used, it was never the underlying factor that determines the success of a relationship. It has always boils down to trust. When involved in a relationship, we have to trust and have faith in our partner regardless if he is lying next to us everyday or sleeping alone across the continent. It is simple as that yet simpler said then done. It is the norm of human to be weary, faith does not come easy. Just  because LDR requires a lot more trust, that doesn't mean it would not work out. If one is determine to abuse the trust, he can still find time to shag someone and come back in time to have supper with you. It is all in the effort you put in and how good a liar one is.

Comparing a normal relationship and a LDR, a lot more effort are needed to maintain it. Conversation became a major aspect in the relationship. The phone bills for a LDR couple are probably a few times higher than the rest. But it is an investment well spend. Would a couple that have dinner together every night converse as much as a LDR couple that talks on phone every night? When a couple are seeing each other everyday, the time spend in talking became less because they have fall into a routine of doing other things together instead. They might go to gym together, catch a midnight movie or stay comfortably at home watching TV while cuddling together. It all sounds so warm and nice, but that does not really improve a relationship. It is just time spend together, not time spend to know each other.

What a couple in a LDR achieved was mental compatibility, which is what drives a relationship in a long run.  What about sex? We gay are branded somehow to be sexually deprived and need it every day. Really, how many of us can do it every night? After one hits 25, the fluctuation of libido are usually disrupted by work pressure, weight management and credit card bills. Only a handful of people can affort to do it every single damn night. We don't die if we don't have sex. That's why man discovered masturbation. If one recalls the time while one are single and not having any available partners, the way to release the libido are through self-exploration. Once the juice is out of the body so is the urge out of one's circulation. In the end, it is still the effort one puts in to curb the urges. Also, many people are able to practice celibacy whether through self-imposed dedication or hectic schedule. It helps to curb if one has a life or a career or both.

But some men are just easily subdued by temptation. There is no better reason to fool around than not having the boyfriend around. It doesn't really hurt if he doesn't find out for real. He might suspect it but he would probably be much more forgiving because he feels that he cannot provide you adequetly. Not in a normal relationship, if one fools around while coming back home every night, it takes a man of great heart to forgive. Or a man of great look, deep pocket and tremendous charm to win a forgiveness. Either way, it probably wouldn't last for long.

A change of heart happens because of the shift of ones view upon life and the needs of life. It was never the distance nor the lack of sex. We change because we simply do. Human revolution.

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