我的歌声里

剩下的只是回忆。。。
你存在我深深的脑海里，
我的梦里，我的心里，我的《文字》里。

我心中的那一轮银月
在你离开后就不曾圆满
虽然你我生活在同一片蓝天下
但当我们抬头仰望时
却永远不会看见相同的月亮
愿你的中秋圆满

Control

In a relationship, there seems to always be one that is more controlling. Was it because of insecurity that one wants to monitor and restrict the others? Or were there other reasons?

Seems that the one that is controlled tolerate such behavior because that seems to be part and parcel of the relationship he is currently in, for no matter how much he tries to convince his partner otherwise, he seems to have the reputation of being unfaithful. But of course there are some truth in that, because once a player, always a player. Although it hurts a lot when one finds out that the one holding the leash is actually the one who was fooling around all this while. Irony maybe.

But then there are those who cherish their freedom too much, it is like a cause they championed which is sacred and cannot be tainted with even the slight suggestion of restriction. A typical Sagittarius one might call them. I was one of those, but now I realized those are the sad one. Sometimes we control because we care, when you deny the right to control, you deny yourself the chance to be cared for. Sometimes we don't always need to be the alpha male, take some time to enjoy the feeling of being cared for, it takes two to make a relationship works.

Beginning of the End

Recently, I have two friends in their early thirties that tells me, on two separate occasions, that their current failing relationship will be their last relationship ever. If this were to happen last year, I'll surely laugh at them for being cynical, but as I come to term with my own life, I realize that such an idea isn't as out of this world as I presume. Regardless of how determine those two are towards their no-more-relationship resolution, skeptical as I am, I find my conviction ever stronger, that if you truly believe that it is the one and only, the beginning of the end, then it is and shall remain to be so until...

Well, my trains of thoughts says, until the day we die, but that's something too distant for most people to understand. So, I guess I should be satisfy with, until the next moment of enlightenment comes along. That has been how I see life, that shit happens in life but there are always good things that come out of it, even though it hurts like hell.

Life always give you something as long as you live it, bad things come out of good fortune, bad luck can lead to good beginning, and if you think that you have the worst thing in life, well, you'll be surprise how life ingenious life can be for making your life miserable to a whole new level. And then there is strings of good luck, but we never appreciated those, we only realize it when good luck ends and bad fortune begins.

唯一的归宿

“为何走不出这段感情？”
“不是走不出，是心甘情愿困在这里。”
“何必呢？外面的世界花儿多的是。”
“当你认定这是你人生唯一的情感归宿是，你就会明白我的感受。”
“你又知道不会有更好的出现？”
“不是说了吗，当你认定这是唯一的，你就不会去考虑其他的选择，也就没有所谓更好的，或是可能会出现的。”
“但是他已经离开了，可能已经在其他男人怀中了，你又何苦为难自己呢？”
“确实我不知道他现在在哪里，但是我愿意穷一生之力等待他回来。”
“值得吗？”
“如果不值得，他也怎么会是我的唯一呢？”

我总觉得爱情不一定要两个人在一起才能让人刻骨铭心。我总觉得爱情是一个自我催眠的情感纠结。幸福甜蜜的爱总会有不如意的时候，考验两人之间的坚定，让人感叹情路坎坷，最终百般滋味还是需要自己去品尝。既然到头来还是自己一个默默在承受，为何不能孤独地在沧海桑田所遗留下来的落寞中缅怀过去的点滴回忆呢？

这不是我对于感情的执著，而是你无法从我的角度了解爱情。可能当你了解了我的苦衷，你的心中会有一丝明悟，体恤我的坚持，但是对于我来说，你的了解不会减轻我的悲痛，解释只会让我更沉重。

沉重

人总是要经历情伤才知道情为何物。尝过它的甜，就会吃到它的苦。曾几何时，有一段很长的时间，我不知道情为何物。人生路上，我潇洒的遨游，遇见了那棵长着爱情果实的大树。当我摘下那红透的果实，放进口中后，我才发现原来我一直以来错过了这么美妙的情感。可是香甜的果实，留在口中的却是苦涩的味道，旧旧都不消散。当我清醒时，我才发现我遍体鳞伤，原来我已经被爱情荆棘困着。

尝过爱情才知道情歌唱进心坎的感觉，才知道一个人活着不孤独，真正的孤独是无法和别人分享那些深藏的情感，如果这些感觉从来没有被发掘，那该多好。冷漠的孤傲虽然和世界脱节，但是终比沉重的孤独来的好受。

The Bitterness of Estrangement

You know, you are the only one whom I can honestly tell how I am feeling deep inside. All this negative feeling, the torment that has been twisting and turning inside me like a giant shredding machine, you are the only one whom I can share with. But I figured, you don't like hearing them. Hell, I don't like hearing them myself, that is why I don't talk about them, just letting them rot inside me. Not a pretty sight I am sure, and I stink of negativity too. But every time we met, you tried to cheer me up and I end up dumping onto you my misery. I guess that puts you off somehow. That is why I distant myself from you too. No point having two person to endure this pain of mine, not like I can feel less pain when I tell you how depressed I was. I thought maybe if I pretend that everything is alright, it would be good. But alas, self-delusional doesn't work when the bitter truth haunts you at every corner, the impending death echoes so loudly. But I didn't realize that to distant myself from you, can bring on even more pain. I guess there was a part in my that harbors feeling for you still, yet it was not meant to be and will never come to pass. The feeling of letting go and wanting what that can never be yours, that's a double edge sword that bloodied my weakening heart now. The scar will never heal, it will just be another maggot infested wound on my dead body.