02 September 2012

The Bitterness of Estrangement

You know, you are the only one whom I can honestly tell how I am feeling deep inside. All this negative feeling, the torment that has been twisting and turning inside me like a giant shredding machine, you are the only one whom I can share with. But I figured, you don't like hearing them. Hell, I don't like hearing them myself, that is why I don't talk about them, just letting them rot inside me. Not a pretty sight I am sure, and I stink of negativity too. But every time we met, you tried to cheer me up and I end up dumping onto you my misery. I guess that puts you off somehow. That is why I distant myself from you too. No point having two person to endure this pain of mine, not like I can feel less pain when I tell you how depressed I was. I thought maybe if I pretend that everything is alright, it would be good. But alas, self-delusional doesn't work when the bitter truth haunts you at every corner, the impending death echoes so loudly. But I didn't realize that to distant myself from you, can bring on even more pain. I guess there was a part in my that harbors feeling for you still, yet it was not meant to be and will never come to pass. The feeling of letting go and wanting what that can never be yours, that's a double edge sword that bloodied my weakening heart now. The scar will never heal, it will just be another maggot infested wound on my dead body.

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